Page 37 of Unloved

Liam’s screech drowns out Oliver’s quiet but steady greeting. I tell Sadie I’ll see her later, tomorrow if things go well, and she tells me she’s staying with the boys tonight.

The coffee shop within the library is closing, so it’s quiet and darker in our hidden corner. I moved our usual spot to here this week—to avoid both the girls desperate to distract Freddy and Tyler, who is also tutoring somewhere in this building.

Tyler is supposed to come over tonight, and I’ve been tearing myself apart trying to figure out how to fix things—or if I even want to.

My stomach flips, because it’s a reach toward the unknown. I know Tyler—I know what to expect from him in anger, in love, inthe bedroom… everything. Iknowit isn’t the best relationship, but the loss of it feels like jumping from a plane with no parachute. There’s safety in knowing; there’s comfort here.

But if I stay, things have to be better than they are. I have to fix it.

I need to know how to make things good between us again. Namely, sexually.

Because we haven’t had sex since last semester.

My relationship with sex is complicated, especially with Tyler. I’m not a virgin, but I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve had sex in our nearly two-year relationship. My curiosity and innocence were endearing to Tyler at first, like most of me, until it—I—became an annoying nuisance.

“Ro.”

He likes the Ivy league girl, though.

The thought comes unbidden, and I nearly flinch, because it haunts me silently all the time.What is it about her that’s better than me?More deserving? Maybe she’s more refined when it comes to the bedroom.

“Ro?”

I wanted to be spontaneous, to try new things—hence my forgotten Sexy College Bucket List—but I’ve had enough embarrassment in trying to last me a lifetime.

I’ve tried to work around Tyler’s rules and wants. Sex with him is careful, controlled, and only in one position. Tyler is always silent, which does near constant damage to my self-confidence. And sometimes I’m so loud he tells me to tone it down. He doesn’t like to go down on me; says he doesn’t enjoy it. But he won’t let me do it either.

It’s degrading. I can hear his voice in my head, my gut churning because his reprimand is somehow more degrading than being on my knees, having his dick in my mouth.You shouldn’t evenwantthat, Ro.

“Rosalie.”

The sound of my full name sliding off Freddy’s tongue like a song makes me startle, cheeks heating as I realize how long he’s been trying to get my attention. Two palms playfully smack down on the table across from me as Freddy slides into the booth with a beaming smile.

“Sorry.” I tuck my falling curls behind my ear, tempted to toss them all up off my neck because my flustered thinking and Freddy’s intense gaze are making me sweat. “I’ve been distracted, I’m so sorry.”

“You’re fine, Ro, take a breath.” He relaxes in his seat, which looks ridiculous because he’s so large, muscular. “Besides, I’m kinda enjoying not being the one who is lost in their own head.”

I smile, mostly because hedoestend to get lost in his own head, and nod. He slides the papers I’d been grading to the other side of the wood table between us.

“What’s got your head all spinny?”

There’s part of me that’s tempted to talk to him about it, toask… but I can’t get the words out.

“Stupid stuff,” I huff.

Freddy presses his forearms to the table, tapping his fingers swiftly as he looks up at me, turning his head nearly into the table to catch my downturned eyes.

“C’mon,Rosalie,” he says. “I like stupid stuff.”

I roll my eyes, but my expression quickly changes to a pleased smile, because as usual when I’m around him, I feel more at ease.

“Okay.” I tuck my hair back again, nervous energy crawling up my spine, making me jittery in my seat as I lean forward. “Let’s say, hypothetically, that you were dating a girl for a few years.”

He crosses his arms. “All right. Hypothetically, am I in love with this girl?”

“Um, I think so?”

“You think so? Sounds like something you should be certain about.”

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