Page 15 of Make Her Mine

“I know that things in the past were…complicated.”

I tip my head. “I’m not sure that’s the word I’d use,” I tell him. “I think it was pretty simple really.”

He frowns. “I know there was a big gap in age. And experience. I think that made it complicated.”

“Which part?” I ask. “The part where you didn’t take ‘I don’t want to have sex yet’ seriously, or the part where you thought that my youth and inexperience meant that you could emotionally manipulate me with guilt and the threat of other girls who would give you what you wanted. Or was it the part where my inexperience also meant that I hadn’t ever drunk alcohol so getting me wasted was really easy, which made getting a lot further physically also really easy. Or the part where because I was young and in love for the first time you thought that it would be easier to get me to forgive your cheating?”

I stare at him across the table. There is humiliation and regret washing through me for sure, but there is also anger. So much anger. And pride that I can stand up to him now, say these things, admit these things, and not let him sweep it all away the way he did before.

“See?” I ask, my voice amazingly calm. “That’s a whole lot of use of the word ‘easy’. Which is the opposite of complicated.”

I cross my legs and rest my folded hands on the table. “Or was the complicated part that I had something to hold over your head for the rest of your senior year that could have ruined everything for you and you had to constantly think of ways to keep me in check so I wouldn’t tell anyone about the time you roofied my drink and tried to rape me?”

His face has gone pale and he sits back as well. “That is not what happened.”

“Hmmm, I’m pretty fucking sure it is. And I think you know there are some people who would back that up.”

“Harlow, I was…young. Stupid. Desperate to have you back.”

“Jesus Christ, Zach. You have to know how horrible that sounds.”

“I was in love with you.”

I laugh. I didn’t back then when he’d say that. My poor little in-love-for-the-first-time heart would cry every time. But now, I can laugh. “I really hope in ten years you’ve learned what love actually is.”

“I was a dumb kid. I’ll admit that. I didn’t treat you right.”

My eyes go wide. “You think?”

“But I don’t think we remember those days the same way.”

“It’s not my fault you’ve justified it all somehow in your head, Zach. I know what happened.”

He leans in, dropping his voice to a loud whisper. “Why would I drug you? We’d already had sex. It’s not like I needed to force you.”

I lift an eyebrow. “Because I’d changed my mind about ever doing it again after you cheated on me? Because you were an entitled asshole who couldn’t handle being told no?”

“Be honest. You’d stopped saying no and it wouldn’t have taken me much to persuade you,” he says.

And there’s a little smirk pulling the corner of his lips that makes me want to slap him.

I’m not a violent person. I’m not. I don’t slam doors and throw things and yell.

Very often.

I’m cool and calm. I know that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. I work fucking hard on my honey.

But this guy… I wish I had a fly swatter right now.

“I’d told you never, ever again after I found out that you had sex with Madison.”

We’d been at a party after I’d given him my virginity thinking that would keep him with me forever, believing that was the last thing we needed to really cement our commitment. Because that’s what he’d fucking told me. Over and over. And yes, I was younger, inexperienced, and madly in love with this fucking asshole.

I’d found out two days before that party that he’d cheated on me again, and that us sleeping together had done nothing to strengthen his commitment to me.

I don’t know if he’d thought forcing me into sex again would make me more amenable to getting back together, or if it was just a control thing, or what.

I don’t care.

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