Page 16 of Make Her Mine

I do know that he gave me a red solo cup, I’d drunk half of it, started feeling weird, and told Graham.

I don’t remember anything after that, but I was at Graham’s house, in his bed when I woke up, and Graham assured me that Zach hadn’t touched me.

And I hadn’t been alone, or really even near, Zach Nelson again.

My friends had been like little bulldogs, protecting me. Any event where Zach and I would both be present—and in a town like ours, there were many—there was always someone with me.

But I didn’t really need them. Zach kept his distance. He didn’t try to get me alone. He didn’t call or text or email. We would make eye contact from time to time, but he’d look away quickly.

I’d stupidly thought maybe he was regretful.

But slowly, over the years, I’d started caring less and less about how Zach Nelson felt about…anything.

“I’ve thought about you so much over the past ten years, Harlow,” he says, starting again with a new tone of voice. “I made mistakes, I’ll admit that. Can’t we try again? What we had was special.”

I actually feel a shudder go down my spine. I was special to him, I believe that. Because I was submissive. I was easily manipulated. I put him on the highest pedestal. A lot of people thought Zach walked on water. Lots of girls thought he hung the moon. But no one believed all of his bullshit. Not like I did.

“Look, Zach,” I finally say, feeling tired. “I’m not interested. At all. I’m not the girl you used to know. I actually don’t think you’d like me very much now.”

He sits forward again, looking serious. “I sincerely doubt that. I want to get to know you. I want to see how you’re different. I want to fall in love with you all over again.”

Fucking yuck.

Geez, he doesn’t even have the decency to take five minutes to reflect on the huge, serious topics we just put out there between us.

“I don’t care,” I tell him. “I’ve moved on.”

I totally have. I never think about Zach.

Well, almost never. I do have kids on my caseload that make me think of the really poor decisions I made, the people I didn’t tell about them, the help I didn’t get. I had so much love and support around me, and I still didn’t tell my parents or lean on my friends’ parents, or my teachers, or counselors. I didn’t even tell all of my friends. But the friends who did know were solid. They got me through. I don’t know what would have happened if Graham hadn’t been there for me that night. If I hadn’t been able to let him take care of me.

I assume Graham told Sloan and Margot what happened because they were the soldiers around me after that. But we never actually talked about it. Still, I knew I could tell them. They’d love me anyway. They’d believe me.

The kids I work with often come from situations where they have no one. Or feel like it anyway. They don’t have the support network I had and so I’m very empathetic to the choices—and yes, mistakes—they make. And I do everything I can to make sure they know I’m a safe space for them, someone they can tell anything.

“Please, just give me this week. Just spend some time with me. I think you’ll see that I’m an even better version of the guy you fell so hard for before.”

God, he’s so full of himself. I actually used to find that confidence attractive.

Remembering how easily and fully I fell for all of this makes me sick now. That, along with the confident look on his stupid face makes me certain I could stab him with a fork.

I can absolutely say no to this guy. No question in my mind. But…

I want him to suffer.

Just like Jefferson said last night.

I want Zach to be miserable.

I want him to not only know he has no chance with me but to be sad.

I totally get where Jefferson is coming from.

It might be one of the very few things Jefferson and I have in common, but yeah, I’m on the same page with him here.

“I’m so not interested in getting to know you again,” I tell Zach. I should just leave it at that. I should just lean on my own self-confidence and willpower. I can do that. I can resist him. For sure.

But…what would make Zach even more miserable than just my ability to say no to him?

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