Page 40 of Make Her Mine

That is not accurate. Jefferson was four grades ahead of us in school. He doesn't know what it was like day to day for Graham. He just wanted to be left alone.

“Graham is an amazing person,” I say. “He’s brilliant, he’s caring, he’s funny as hell, and he knows exactly who he wants to be. Carver always had his head in the clouds and was wrapped up in Kaelyn. You were always the social butterfly, the golden boy on the football field. Graham had nothing in common with either of you. Ginny was… Ginny. She had her girlfriends, she was definitely more social, and she was trying to find her place and didn’t have time to worry about Graham. So yeah, Graham needed me. And we were a great pair. I don’t regret helping Graham and protecting him.”

“He never had a girlfriend because of you.”

“Graham never wanted a girlfriend,” I say, exasperated. “And you would know that if you ever talked to him. Also having a girlfriend is not the epitome of success or accomplishment.”

“No. But it is a huge social milestone growing up. It’s a normal part of socialization. One that he skipped.”

“Is this about you thinking he was in love with me all this time?”

“He was for a while. Come on.” Jefferson rolls his eyes. “At least he thought he was. But it wasn’t that. It was that all the girls knew they could never measure up to you for Graham. So no one would even consider dating him. And he was shy enough that he would’ve needed a girl to express the interest.”

“I am not having this fight with you again about how I was bad for Graham‘s love life.”

“Fine, then let’s just talk about everything else. He wouldn’t go away to camp because of you. He wouldn’t work a summer job outside of town because of you. He didn’t want to socialize with any groups of people that didn’t involve you. He took a lot of classes because of you.”

“We were in the same grade! It’s a very small school, and a very small town. Of course we were together a lot.”

“You and Graham were joined at the hip, Harlow.” Jefferson looks as frustrated as I feel right now. “He needed to have his own experiences. His own life. Friends outside of you. And when I realized that he was going to go to college wherever you went, I couldn’t let that happen. He needed to cut the ties. Especially when Colorado wanted him, specifically for their engineering program.”

“He could’ve done engineering here in Nebraska,” I say stubbornly.

“And you and I both know that he would’ve spent every minute studying with you at the library, going out with you on the weekends, probably would’ve wound up as your roommate at some point, not dating. Hell, if I had looked away, he may have ended up with a social work degree.”

“Fuck you. Social work is an amazing and important profession.”

Jefferson scrubs a hand over his face. “Of course it is! It’s the perfect fit for you. Not for Graham. Engineering is perfect for Graham. And since he’s been in Colorado, he’s made a ton of friends, dated, come out of his shell, and learned that he can stand on his own two feet. He’s confident, even funnier, and is blossoming as a person.”

I feel tears stinging the back of my eyes. Because he’s right. I’d be an idiot to not see all of that.

But if I cry in front of Jefferson, I’m going to have to move to Colorado.

Of course, Jefferson would hate that.

“I love your brother,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady. “He is one of the most important people to me. I can’t believe that you think the way I feel about him is so damaging.”

“And I hate to tell you that,” he says, and I think he’s actually sincere. “Graham leaving you for Colorado was the biggest step he’s ever taken in his life, Harlow. You are incredibly important to him. I was shocked actually when he agreed. I didn’t know if I’d ever get him away from you.”

My mouth drops open. “Holy shit, Jefferson. How am I supposed to feel about the fact that you think I’m terrible?”

“I don’t think you’re terrible. I think that you and Graham’s relationship was way too codependent.”

“And you think the way that I hold my friends back is terrible.”

“Harlow,” he finally says with a deep breath in and out. “Honestly… you love people so hard.”

I feel my heart thump. “What?”

“You think I’m so charming and whatever that people can’t say no to me, but you are so loving and giving, no one can say no to you.”

My eyes sting even harder, and I blink rapidly. That shouldn’t be a bad thing.

“So loving people is terrible.”

He steps forward. “You love people who are very vulnerable. And that’s awesome when they need that protection. When they need that person to pull them in and hold them tight because everything else is spinning around them and they don’t have anywhere else to go. But you need to learn to let them go when they get stronger.”

I swallow hard. “I don’t like letting people go.”

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