Page 101 of After You

She couldn’t turn her head to look at Kade. She couldn’t turn her head to do anything. Her neck had been locked up since Saturday night, and her head and back had been pounding since. She’d gotten sick last night, and her right arm was tingling. Frankly, she was a damnedmess.

She did not want Kyle to see her like this. But it was time. This was part of her reality, and with the way things had shifted between them, he needed to know about this before he said things like “there’s more where that came from” or “you’re the only one I wanthere.”

Being in that house had changed things for her. Having her in that house had changed things for him. And they had some stuff to figureout.

“Let him in,” she toldKade.

“Okay.” He didn’t sound sure, but he stood from where he’d been kneeling with one knee on the mattress besideher.

She heard the door open and Kyle say, “What the hell is goingon?”

“Come on in. Nice to see you too,” Kade said dryly.

“Hannah?” Then a second later, she heard, “Holyshit.”

“I’m fine,” she said from the bed. She was lying on her stomach with her face in a circular pillow designed to keep the neck straight. She hated that she couldn’t see him. Then she thought maybe that wasbest.

“Okay, first off, you need to fucking quit telling me you’re fine,” he said from right next to her. “I’m sick of that. You have to tell me the truth.”

She took a deep breath. He was right. “Then I’m miserable. I can’t sleep and I can’t help my grandmother. I can’t even be with her today at the hospital. I’m pretty much useless to everyone. I can’t spend a hot, spontaneous night on the floor with you without paying for it. It all sucks. Is that what you want tohear?”

He was quiet for a moment. “Yeah. I guess that’s what I want to hear,” he finallysaid.

She felt the tears welling up. She’d been in pain for a day and a half now. Kade had come over and done some work on her last night, which had helped, but then she’d woken up sick to her stomach.

It had been over a year since she’d been so close to asking for pain pills, but knowing that her grandmother needed her, and that Kyle was right there in town and would do anything to help her, had been the strongest temptation she could remember. Kade had come over to do some acupuncture and massage, but he’d really been there to keep her from seeing Kyle. She’d been avoiding him, not because she didn’t want him to see her like this—though she didn’t, really—but because she was too afraid she’d beg for drugs.

“I’m sorry,” she finally said. “I’m sorry I let Grandma down. I’m sorry Dad had to go instead.”

“Hannah,” Kyle’s voice sounded strained, “your dad isn’t upset about being there. And your grandma is fine. She’s right where she needs to be, doing what she needs to be doing. You don’t have to be the one that tookher.”

She bit her lip on her first response to that, but then finally said, “You always think you have to be the one doing everything for everyone.”

She heard the long breath he took in. “Yeah, I know Ido.”

“I was always that persontoo.”

“Yeah, I know.” There was a long silence. Then Kyle said, “Will you please let me give you something? Let me help you?” She felt him move closer to the bed. “This is killing me to know you’re hurting and to see you likethis.”

Exactly. She knew that seeing her like this and not being able to do anything would be torture for him. “The needles are bothering you?” she asked.

“Um, yeah.” He took another shaky breath. “They really fucking are. Please let me do something. Somethingelse.”

Hannah swallowed hard. This was the moment of truth. “All you can do is be here with me,” she said. That was the biggest hurdle between them. The miles, the time, everything else was a nonissue if he could accept that there was nothing he could really do but be there for her and try to understand. She lifted one arm, reaching her hand out. “Will you watch the rest of the treatment?”

There was a long moment where she wasn’t sure he would take her hand. But finally, she felt his big palm againsthers.

“Yeah, I cantry.”

“You don’t have a needle phobia, do you, Doc?” Kade asked.

“I didn’t think so,” Kyle said. “Turns out maybe I’m not as tough as I thought.”

“Well, no worries,” Kade told him. “Hannah here is the toughest girl Iknow.”

Hannah felt her heart squeeze. Kade was a really good friend. “These don’t hurt,” she told Kyle. “They might look weird, but it doesn’t hurt. And it doeshelp.”

He didn’t reply.

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