Page 69 of After You

“Yeah,” he agreed. And the only fucking reason that any of that had been an issue was because she hadn’t come home. He worked to rein in his emotions. “I don’t expect perfection,” he told her. At least, he didn’t from other people. From himself, maybe. And yeah, okay, maybe at one time he’d come to expect it from her. Because she delivered. “But you never gave me a reason to doubt that you weren’t…perfect.”

She gave him a smile that almost seemed sad. “Iknow.”

He didn’t know what to say. He really didn’t. He hadn’t expected to get into all of this today when he’d stopped over. “And we were kids, basically. I’ve grown up,” he said. “I deal with illness and injury every day. I know perfection is unattainable.”

“And because of that, you try to make everything you can control as close to perfection as possible,” she said. She was rubbing her shoulder again, though it seemed subconscious.

“And you think relationships are one of those things I try to control?” he asked.

“I know about the landscaping at the park,” she said. “Do you really think I didn’t find out that the longest relationship you’ve had in three years was seven dates? And that there are long stretches between women.”

He sighed. “Six dates.”

“Ellen said seven.”

And he understood why Hannah believed her. Ellen, the owner of the Bang and Blow salon, was one of their lead gossips.

“Well, it was six. I don’t count the first meeting at the bakery that was completely set up…by Ellen, by theway.”

“And you started comparing them all to your checklist on date one, right?” she asked.

“I don’t have a checklist.” He totally did. Derek had said the same thing. And they were both right. It wasn’t actually written down or anything like that, but he knew what he was looking for. Was that sobad?

“You do too,” she said with a little laugh. “Don’t you remember giving me the list of reasons you loved me on Valentine’sDay?”

He huffed out a breath. “That’s not a checklist.”

“More or less. It’s what you want. And it’s what you measure all these women against, right?”

“I measure all these women against you, Hannah,” he finally snapped. “You should be flattered by that.” Though his tone was hardly complimentary.

She nodded, not looking happy. “You compare them to the old me. To the me who was young, and loved taking care of everyone else, and who could get by on five hours of sleep, and whose biggest problem was studying for a chemistry exam on the same night that I had to paint the Homecoming float and do all the family’s laundry.”

“You don’t love taking care of people anymore?” he asked, irritated and not even fully surewhy.

“It’s easier not to,” she said. “Then you can’t let anyonedown.”

“Clearly I don’t feel the sameway.”

“Clearly.”

They just stood looking at each other, memories, hurt, regret filling the air between them. Finally, she said, “Other people are the hardest things to predict. I think that’s why you’ve been avoiding relationships.”

“Well, considering my last serious relationship with a woman took the most unexpected turn of my life, yeah, probably.” What the hell was the point of arguingthat?

She didn’t flinch or grimace. Instead she frowned. “And that’s made you avoid all new relationships?”

“No, I—”

“You treat a town full of people you’ve known your whole life. You hang out with the same friends from high school. You eat the same favorite dinners—at that same table,” she said, pointing to the kitchen table behind him. “You do the same odd jobs, drive the same roads, you have the same phone number you’ve had for ten years, Kyle.”

She was now digging her fingers into her shoulder, and wincing as she didit.

He sighed and moved closer. He knocked her hand out of the way and turned her with his hands on her upper arms. Then he began kneading the muscles. Her skin was soft and warm, but it was the little groan she let out as his thumb rubbed circles over a spot just above her shoulder blade that got tohim.

He swallowed and concentrated on massaging her muscles. “I don’t need a new phone number,” he said softly. “I don’t need a different job and I have the best friends I could ever hope for. I take comfort in knowing the full history of everyone who comes through my clinic door, and in eating my grandmother’s chicken and cheese bake once a month. I love that when I go to a birthday party, it’s almost always one of several I’ve attended for that person. I love that I know if I go to the post office at one p.m., Helen will have her after lunch Oreos out of the cupboard.”

“You have a lot of food options around this town,” she said, her head dropping forward.

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