Page 98 of After You

Derek shrugged. “She was your girl. You wanted her forever. You should have gone to Seattle.”

“I was in residency. I couldn’t just drop everything and leave.”

“You would have been written up or something, yeah, but they wouldn’t have kicked you out. You would have had to grovel or work extra shifts or something, but hell, Kyle, you work extra shifts anyway. It’s like you’re afraid if you sleep too long or go more than fifty miles away from this place, that it’s all going to fall apart and everyone’s going to get sick and die and it’ll be all your fault.”

Kyle swallowed. “People could get sick and die withoutme.”

Derek shook his head. “Man, they’re going to get sick and die anyway. That’s how life goes. I mean, what you do matters, of course. And you make all the sick and dying stuff better here. But shit man, it’s not like it’s your fault when it happens.”

“It could be my fault,” Kyle said. “If someone gets sick and I’m not here, they coulddie.”

Derek shook his head. “Sometimes I think you should have become an accountant or something. Then you could have everything lined up nice and neat all the time and the answers would always turn out the way you expect and you wouldn’t have to feel so fucking responsible for everyone. Only if they get thrown in jail for tax fraud or somethingthen.”

Kyle scowled at him. “We were talking about Hannah.” Because he’d never admit that there were definitely some appealing things about the idea of being an accountant. Two plus two always equaled four. And accountants didn’t get pulled out of bed at three a.m. And accountants didn’t have to watch the faces of people they cared about when they said the word cancer. And…all those spreadsheets.

But accountants also didn’t get to deliver babies and see people walk again after surgery and get to watch the faces of people they cared about when they said the cancer’sgone.

“Yes, Hannah. Well, you fucked that up,” Derek said bluntly.

“She wanted to stay in Seattle.”

“So you should have gone to Seattle.”

“To stay? Forever?” Kyle demanded, even as his heart thumped in his chest.

“If necessary,” Derek nodded. “There are sick and dying people theretoo.”

“But not mypeople.”

“People who could have become your people.”

Kyle let out a breath. “Why didn’t you ever say this before?”

“Because I’m your best friend and I love having you here and this town needs you and you need thistown.”

“But you think I should have gone after Hannah.”

He nodded. “Because I think you need hermore.”

Kyle sighed. “You never hold back from telling me when I’m making a mistake. Why didn’t you tell me to pull my head out of myass?”

“Honestly?” Derek asked. “Because I really thought she was going to come home too. I couldn’t imagine her not needingyou.”

Kyle felt his heart squeeze hard. But she had needed him. She just hadn’t told him. Because they hadn’t told each other that stuff. They hadn’t needed each other. Everyone else neededthem.

“Fuck.” He threw the piece of wood. “I have to go over there.”

Derek sighed. “Knew I should have told you all of that after the stump wasout.”

Kyle started to reply, but suddenly both of their phones beeped. They pulled them out simultaneously and read the messages that had comein.

“Dammit.”

“Fuck.”

They dropped their tools and jumped into the truck. Derek headed for the fire station. Kyle would ride along in the ambulance.

Not that there was ever a good time for a car accident out on the highway, but he was going to have to put off seeing Hannah again.

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