Page 112 of Bittersweet Revenge

“Yes, of course.”

“I came to discuss the subject we'd started the other night.”

“You told me to get out and that it was none of my business.”

She sat partly on the chair, her back straight, legs folded to the side. It was like Princess Kate or something. Would I be expected to do that too after I married Caleb?

“And frankly, it isn’t, but I believe you deserve some explanation. I’ve sprung that upon you by giving you the journal and my note started all of this.” She took a deep breath. “I presume, based on your abrasive comment, that Caleb told you what happened with his back.”

Even under her mask of coolness there was shame there. I saw it. “Yes, he did.”

She nodded. “I was different then and despite what my son seems to think happened that night, what I did... It is one of my life's biggest regrets.”

I remained silent, just looking at the ice queen in front of me. I suspected she was just like her son - feeling everything, only so deep inside that nobody knew.

She took a deep breath. “While I was away in Europe after...the incident…”

Ah, ‘incident’ – so this is what we are calling it.

“…your mother started to write me letters. I never answered and I’m not even sure how she knew where I was. Maybe it was James trying to play the sympathy card to get in her pants or…” She waved her hand. “It doesn’t matter how, but she wrote about life at home and everything and nothing, never once mentioning the incident itself. She talked about Caleb's recovery and how he was often at her house with Archibald. Those two were as thick as thieves for a while.”

“They are getting closer again now,” I told her, one positive from this whole mess.

She nodded. “Yes, because of you. So the more she wrote, the more I saw the woman she really was, not the evil homewrecker I'd taken her for. James was sneaking around a lot and I did not care. If he had sex with other women at least he wasn't touching me.” Her mouth tipped down in disgust. “But he was taking this obsession with your mother to a level that was shaming me. Everything was Victoria. He was sick enough to ask me to dress like her and have my hair done like hers, which I, of course, refused to.”

How sad was it to be disgusted by the touch of your life partner?

“But under the cover of my pills and alcohol, I saw it all. I'm perceptive and I knew your mother had a secret. I just thought for a while it was an indiscretion with my husband.”

“How?”

She chuckled. “Like I knew you were sneaking around that night at the party, dear. I knew you and my boy had something planned the moment you’d stepped into the room.” She rolled her eyes. “And Sophia, Lord was she obvious – slipping away was child’s play.”

“I see,” I said, slightly chastened.

“I never would have expected your mother to hide such a secret. I followed her to an internet cafe in Port Harbor and slid behind her. I saw photos of a little girl and I knew. From the moment I saw the photos I knew.”

I blinked back the tears, imagining the pain my mother had gone through to ensure my freedom.

“She was terrified when she realized I knew her secret, but how could I betray her? I understood her love and her feeling of loss – William had sent Theo to an institution. My son had been taken away from me and it was a loss you never really heal from.”

I wanted to shout at her, tell her she had another son that needed her love, a son who never thought he was good enough because he’d never been able to gain his mother’s love. A son that I loved with everything I was.

“Do not judge me, Esmeralda. I love Caleb even if it is not something either of you believe. But he was strong and becoming what his father wanted him to be. He didn't need me.”

“Yes, he did. He does.”

She looked stricken for a moment, at a loss for words which I expected wasn't a common occurrence.

“I owed your mother for the kindness and solicitude she showed me when all I'd ever shown her was contempt and hate. She told me about what she did with you and I promised to help as much as I could. She feared for herself…” She looked away. “In retrospect I think she feared William would lock her away somewhere. Not that it matters. Your mother told me to keep her journal. It was a letter to you, something she hoped would help you should you be brought back into this life.” She sighed. “Something I knew was inevitable.”

“Why tell me about the murder? How did you even know?”

She folded her hands on her lap. “Because nobody’s ever careful in front of the pill-popping wife. The one too high and too stupid to see, to hear, to understand.”

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. “You’re not taking those pills are you, not really.”

Her face morphed into a grin as she shook her head. “Not most of them, no. I haven’t for years, but being underestimated, looking weak was my greatest strength. As for telling you. I did that so you would run and never look back. My husband was much too happy to have you in Stonewood. I could see the cogs of his sick mind at work and I knew he was sick enough to want from you what your mother had never given him.”

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