Page 48 of Not As Advertised

I also felt more concerned than ever that I wouldn’t be able to put this “thing” with Abbie behind me the way I had done with all the brief relationships I’d had in the past.

I hoped like hell she got that temporary position with the graphics group. Maybe a little bit of distance and the distraction of training another EA might be enough to lessen the pressure I felt in my chest at the thought of giving Abbie up for good.

“I hope so.” Her voice was so low that if I hadn’t felt her movement against my chest, I would have assumed I’d imagined her words.

And even though I should stop hugging her so we could both go home for the day, I couldn’t bring myself to release her from my arms.

Just a couple more minutes. Then, I’ll be ready to let go.

I was due to deliver my photos to Ethan so he could look them over. The morning had been entirely unproductive, not that I could afford to be distracted with a week’s worth of emails and reports to summarize for Aiden.

A quick look back at his office door confirmed it was still closed. I couldn’t tell if he was just respecting my space or avoiding me.

I snapped my portfolio shut after second- and third-guessing the selection of photos that I’d put together the night before. It had gotten to where I needed to just show it to Ethan and be done with it. I no longer felt good about any of them, having gone over and over the visual presentation order too many times.

The rational answer was that he was just busy. Unfortunately, my logic sometimes didn’t stand up too well against my worry.

There wasn’t any question that I wanted to say yes to Aiden. I’d discovered the other side to him—a softness he kept hiddenthat tempered his everyday intensity— during our time in LA. But insecurity had made me hesitate.

Aiden didn’t know I struggled with managing my mental health. It was simpler to ignore my reality when it was just five days away together. Even though there had been a lot of pressure with the various client meetings, Aiden had borne the brunt of that stress.

AttendingAnime Expo had allowed us both to relax without the prying eyes of the other Appealemployees.

I had already been feeling overly sad about our trip coming to an end. That happened to me every time I’d enjoyed myself while on a vacation; the adrenaline crash left my emotions low and unsteady.

The wobbly feeling had caused me to doubt my instincts.

The lingering uncertainty in my mind and body was a barrier against believing that Ethan was going to give me a real shot on his team. Sure, he’d used my photos from the business trip on the company’s social media, but a few snapshots and assisting with the first pitch deck Appeal would deliver to BrownBag were not on the same scale. This would be a trial by fire for the nonprofit market with little room for error.

What kind of chance would Ethan be willing to take under those circumstances?

The portfolio in my arms felt heavy as I walked across the floor from my desk to the congregated workstations of Ethan’s team.

Luckily, Ethan spotted me as I neared his workspace, so I didn’t feel like I was disturbing him. His smile was welcoming, and his posture remained relaxed in his chair. It was definitely a world away from Aiden’s intense drive, but I knew for a fact that Ethan ran the most senior team in the company, so his style must work for him.

“Abbie. Hey.” Ethan motioned to the chair next to his desk for me to sit down.

Under any circumstance other than this one, I liked Ethan’s company. He seemed to read people well and was good at making me feel comfortable enough to chitchat when our lunches coincided in the break area. He was also good at sitting in silence if he sensed I wasn’t up to talking. Ethan didn’t fill the space with words just for the sake of hearing his own voice.

It was strange how nerves could change my comfort level so quickly. I didn’t know how to act, even though he had never been anything but kind to me.

“Thanks again for agreeing to look at my stuff.” I waved shakily in the general direction of my photos.

“It’s no problem. You did great work in LA. The fact that you had a proper camera made a big difference. The photos turned out so much better than just a lot of shots taken on a phone.” He dropped his voice. “Plus, the fact that I don’t have to do an external posting for this saves me a ton of time. Let’s hope this is workable for both of us.”

“I hope so too.”

He opened my binder and remained quiet as he slowly turned the pages. This was not my idea of a good time. I wasn’t positive, but an entire geological age might have passed before he looked up at me again.

“How many photography classes have you taken so far?” Well, directness was a trait he had in common with Aiden.

“Um, I just finished my second one. It’s really okay if you want to say no, Ethan. I promise.” I twisted my fingers in my lap as I spoke.

I couldn’t help but jump the gun to the worst-case scenario. It was easier to keep my expectations at rock bottom rather than get my hopes up. Why did I even think I could do this?

Hold on. Deep breath. You are not going to fall apart. You want this chance. Just try it.

I was counting myself out of the race before he even gave me any feedback.

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