Page 68 of Sister of the Bride

“Pippin, can we talk?”

There it is.

“I thought you said we could put a pin in it,” I say, busying myself by wiping stray wax pencil marks off the hostess stand with my sleeve. There’s a scratch over table twelve, and I really should try to get some rubbing alcohol to deal with—

“Well, I think maybe now’s a good time to take the pin out,” Toby says.

“But…I mean, there’s so much going on, and I don’t know…” God, I can hear myself sounding like an absolute fucking idiot, but I also feel like Toby is shoving me to the edge of a cliff in high winds. He’s making me look down at the rocks below, and he’s asking me to wiggle my toes over the edge while he points at the danger at the bottom.

Toby steps forward, grasping my arms as he dips his knees so he’s at my eye level. “I know it’s really scary right now, Pip. But let’s rip the Band-Aid off. I don’t think it’s going to be as bad as you think. Let’s just talk about it. It’s pretty clear we can’t keep our hands off each other.”

I shake him off, my heart pounding. I’m scared about what’s at the bottom of that cliff. I’m scared it’s the wreckage of our very long, very incredible friendship. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I say, stomping away to straighten the silverware rolls on table four. “If we talk about it, everything will change.”

Toby huffs out a laugh. “You thinktalkingabout it will change things? Pippin, you’ve had my dick in your mouth. Thingshavechanged.”

God, the sentiment crushes me. It destroys the fiction that because he let me run away, we are still Pippin and Toby, best friends and nothing else. Makes it crystal clear that this is just an illusion, that I broke things already. Maybe back when I kissed him the first time.

“I’m sorry, Toby. I just…I really liked being with you. Touching you. Feeling you. Can we just leave it at that for now?”

Toby shakes his head. “I can’t be your best friend and your fuck buddy,” he says, his voice filled with a bitterness I’ve never heard from him.

“We’re not fucking,” I say.

His head snaps up, and I can’t tell if that glare is coming from a place of anger or hurt. “Don’t try to play by Clinton rules.”

I throw my hands up. “So, what, you want to be in a relationship?”

“You don’t?”

“Not with you!” I cry, the words exploding out of me.

Toby stills. “Ouch,” he says, his voice quiet.

“I don’t mean it like that. I just…” I huff out a sigh. This is all going so badly. Fuck, this is why I didn’t want to talk about it. And this is why I can’t have a relationship with him. I’ll fuck it up the same way I’m fucking up this conversation.

Toby lets out a low chuckle, but there’s no joy in it. “I’m sorry I’m not some bland idiot who can’t be bothered to get to know you well enough not to break one of your many unspoken rules. One of those guys who’s so weak that you never have to worry about them breaching any of your carefully built walls.”

Now it’s my turn to glare at him. “Hey, that’s not fair.”

“Neither is this, Pippin. What you’re doing to me. Leaving me hanging. It’s not fair,” Toby says. He crosses the worn carpet on the dining room floor and takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting my head so I can’t hide from his searching gaze. “Pippin, this isn’t just messing around for me. What happened the other day—I’ve never felt like that before. I want to feel like that again. I want you to bemine. Iwantyou. I wantyou.”

There’s a lump in my throat, and when I speak, my voice breaks. “You mean so much to me, and I’m so scared of…well, I’m just scared. I didn’t realize you’d already made it to this point, the relationship point. Everything happened so fast. I’m still getting used to the fact that you give me orgasms.”

“Well, catch up, Pippin. Because you mean something to me too. You mean a lot to me, and I know you say you don’t want a relationship because you’re afraid it means you could lose me.”

He leans forward and presses his forehead to mine, taking my cheeks softly in his palms. His thumbs rub across my cheekbones, swiping away the tears that are starting to fall. He sighs, his warm breath a whisper across my lips.

“I can wait for you, Pippin,” he says, his voice low. “If that’s what you need, I can wait. I can be your friend. But that’s all I can be while you figure this out, okay? Because being with you the other day was too fucking good. It felt likeeverything. But we’re operating without a net here, and I’m afraid any more might wreck me.”

Then he brushes my lips with the softest kiss, just a whisper of contact that nearly breaks me. I feel the truth right there on the tip of my tongue, begging to get out. I desperately want to ask him to stay. To give him everything. To let myself justlovehim.

Instead I feel a fat tear roll down my cheek as he turns and walks out the door.

Chapter28

Toby

Good news. Successfully switched my shifts so I can come to the wedding. I look forward to hearing which of my jokes you’re working into your maid of honor toast.

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