Page 25 of Caught Up In You

Damn, Doc

FEBRUARY 29 AT 5:14 PM

Owen

Today I met an emotional support pig named Petunia. I don’t think it’s violating HIPAA to tell you that J’Nisha Abbott now has an emotional support pig

Wyatt

Well today I met my mother’s parole officer

I win

Owen

Was he nice?

Wyatt

First of all, she’s a woman, you casual misogynist. And second, what could that possibly matter? It’s my mother’s PAROLE OFFICER. As if our relationship isn’t fucked up enough, now I can say I’ve met my mother’s *parole officer*

Owen

Rehabilitation should be the goal of the criminal justice system, right?

Wyatt

AAAAHHHHHH

Owen

If you’re feeling the need to scream, I can definitely help with that

Wyatt

Finally, a response I can work with

MARCH 10 AT 8:11 PM

Owen

I just saw your truck in the parking lot of Don Diono’s

Wyatt

I’m on a date

Owen

Seriously?

And you answered my text?

Wyatt

Yes. That’s how bad it is

He “forgot his wallet” after ordering an entire bottle of wine that he proceeded to drink before the appetizer even hit the table. His understanding of subject-verb agreement is questionable, and he’s had a piece of spinach stuck in his teeth since the salad course. We are now at dessert and (his) third bottle of wine, and he looks like he’s about to pass out

---