Page 56 of Best Man Speaking

I rub a hand over my face in exhaustion. “Every box seems to hold some treasure or other: pictures from a class trip, a warm knit cardigan of my gran’s, her jewelry box…picking what to keep has been horrible. I kind of wish it’d all been thrown out by someone who didn’t care, but at the same time, I’m grateful for every item I get to touch just one more time.”

The honesty of my answer is freeing, even as it catches me off guard. This is the type of conversation I’ve avoided with Erica and Jules, as well-meaning as they are. The topic seemstoo big, the questions too much, and considering the wedding that’s just around the corner, I’ve been less than willing to bring their moods down in any way. I know they love me and would be happy to listen, but I’d wanted to do it alone. Had thought I needed to. And yet, as much as I might hate to admit it, having Marcus around, even as a distraction…it’s helped.

“I kind of can’t believe you don’t want to hold on to more of it.”

“Did you miss the boxes still stacked in your pool house?” I raise my brows, knowing he didn’t miss a damn thing; it’s not his style.

“Still seems like a small amount to represent so much of your life.” Marcus pauses, considering. “I really thought you would’ve kept the house.”

I swallow in discomfort, knowing not long ago, I, too, never would have considered selling my gran’s house. “I have to pick. I can hold on to the past, or I can use the financial freedom it provides to pave the way for a more stable future. I’m in the process of purchasing an apartment in Edinburgh. It’s beautiful. I think you’d like it, actually. The money being offered for the house? I’d have been out of my mind to ignore it.”

It’s taken me a long time to officially make Edinburgh my home. I’d held off for who even knows what. It might not have mattered when all I’d wanted was to be anywhere except for where I’d come from, but with time, that’d changed, and if I was going to make Edinburgh home, I couldn’t drag the past back with me. I’d made my decision, and I do have a life to go back to now—a life and a home I love. A life that’s mine.

“You wouldn’t keep it as an investment?” he asks.

“No. I think I have to make a choice, and anyway, it’s too late for me to back out. It’s on the market, and I already know there are offers.” My voice is steady as I repeat the words I’ve already thought to myself multiple times.

Marcus is silent the rest of the drive, and while I’m curious about where his thoughts have taken him, I don’t ask. When we finally pull into the lot of the donation drop point, Marcus parks, and within an instant, his phone is in his hand.

With eyes locked on the screen, he simply says, “If you want to double-check and make sure all the right things are there, I’ve got time.”

I can’t tell if he is being sensitive to my situation and being generous with his time, or if he is truly blasé. Regardless, I don’t waste the opportunity and double-check I’m not giving away anything I’m likely to regret. When I’m done, he hops out and helps me carry the boxes and bags, a steady presence by my side as I leave behind a good chunk of my childhood.

It’s only once the task is complete and we’re back in his truck that he speaks again. “Do you have anything planned for the rest of your day?”

It takes a hot second for his question to find me.

“Uh, no. Not really.” I can’t bear to think about the rest of the items I’m going to have to sort through and part with. It’s been years, and it still feels like too much too soon.

Whatever Marcus sees on my face has him asking, “You want to just drive around for a bit, then?”

I can’t look at him with tears stinging the backs of my eyes. Swallowing it down, I’m able to reply, “Yeah. Will you drive me past her house?”

“Sure.”

Leaning my forehead against the cool glass of the passenger window, I breathe slowly.

Pulling out of the parking spot, Marcus says, “You can pick what we listen to. I promise not to tease…today.”

I smile a little at this and connect my phone to a playlist. “I appreciate the twenty-four-hour grace period.”

It’s hard to not focus on how often we’d been here before, Marcus picking me up in his truck just to drive when things got a little too much in my house. When I’d needed out and away, he’d always been there to make it happen.

My resolve in this thing between us being just for now wobbles. We’d agreed in our rules that things wouldn’t change between us, but this? This feels like change. It just happens to be too good for me to mention it, at the risk of losing it all too soon.

A few songs by Paramore play before Marcus turns the music down. When he takes his eyes off the road to glance at me, I’m bracing for an emo-girl comment, regardless of his promise.

Instead, he surprises me. “Jules, Erica, and I are having dinner together tonight. We do it once a month. You should come.”

Chapter Sixteen

Marcus

“I’d bet hard money they’re talking about us.” I tilt my head to where Hallie and Erica are in deep conversation on Julian’s back porch.

I don’t know what had gone through my mind earlier today, but it’d ended up with me inviting Hallie to our monthly family dinner. A dinner I’d never invited anyone to. It could’ve been the defeated slump of her shoulders when she’d had to let go of so much of her past. It could’ve been that I wanted more time to antagonize her in person. One really couldn’t know.

“I’d bet you’re right,” Julian replies, not even bothering to look up as he passes me another freshly rinsed plate to put in their dishwasher.

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