Page 65 of Best Man Speaking

“He misses you, you know,” she says as we take a seat across from one another.

“I know. I miss him too.” And it’s true: I love Jules with my whole heart. But having a woman to talk to, having someone who’s not blood related to Marcus to talk to is a blessing.

We both look over to where Julian’s taken up residence behind the counter, straightening and tidying as if there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

“I’ve been meaning to ask. First & Last—it’s not a usual name for a coffee shop.”

“You don’t like it?” Erica looks slightly vulnerable at the question, and it confirms my suspicion.

“Is it because you were a virgin when you met Jules?” I ask cheekily, hardly wanting to know the answer.

A red flush crawls up her neck and onto her cheeks, her mouth pulling into a not-so-secretive smile.

My eyes squeeze shut as I laugh, shaking my head as if it’ll somehow rid this information from my mind.

“Romantic. But also, eww, gross.”

“Are you done?” Erica asks, good-natured exasperation written all over her still-flushed face.

I nod, lips pursed together. I’m nowhere near done, but it’s information to be stashed away for another occasion.

“Excellent, and just so you’re aware, the surcharge for being an asshole is twenty-five percent,” she shoots at me sarcastically.

“Yes, ma’am.” I give her a small salute, and she gives me a quick middle finger, putting her hand back down before a customer can see.

I need only a moment to gather myself before I ask, “I’m making the right decision selling the house, right?”

If Erica’s surprised by my drastic change of conversation, she doesn’t show it. I already know her stance on where she’d rather I be living, so I appreciate her ability to remain neutral for the sake of my sanity all the more. “Is there any reason in particular this is bothering you today, Hal?”

“Apparently, there are a few seriously interested parties. I should have final offers in by the time we get back from Vegas.”

“Big decision.”

“No kidding.”

“Well, while I am brilliant, I can’t answer that for you. Hal, it comes down to what you want. You arrived back wanting to sell up and move for good. Is that still the case?”

My throat tightens because I don’t know. Or better yet, I do know, but I’m worried I might change my mind. And what am I going to do, pull the house off the market and owe money to everyone whose time I’ve wasted? Sure, it’s an option, but not one I can consider. Even if I enjoy being around Jules and Erica and the life they’ve set up. Even if I enjoy whatever it is I’m doing with Marcus. It’s still only temporary. It could all go to shit again, and I could be left with even less than what I’d started with. Yet, when Cade had called last night about the paperwork for the purchase of my apartment, I’d asked him if we could hold off, at least until the sale on my gran’s place went through. I’d been relieved when he’d said yes.

Silence falls between us, and it reminds me of when I’d first moved to Edinburgh, when I’d call and try not to cry because everything felt cold and lonely.

“I feel like it’s hard to come home again,” I say, voice soft.

“I know. It’s probably why you’ve put off doing it until now, but don’t you remember how hard it was when you first moved? How much the cold and darkness bothered you, how challengingit was to make new friends. Change is never easy. Rewarding, maybe, but not easy.”

My smile is a sad attempt at best. “You’re picking thoughts out of my head.”

What I don’t say is that I’d also stayed away until the place I was resting my head each night felt comfortable enough to call home. That I hadn’t wanted to risk the temptation of crawling back to what I’d always known. I’d chosen being cold and lonely over being vulnerable.

“You know there’s just the slightest chance you’re overthinking this?”

“Oh, there is a one hundred and ten percent chance I’m overthinking this, but I can’t help it. It’s what happens when you’re on vacation and in your own company for too long with life-altering decisions to make.”

“At least you don’t need to make any of them right now.”

“True. But the moment gets closer every day.”

Erica reaches across the table, taking my cold hand in hers. “Have you spoken to Marcus about it?”

---