Page 78 of Reformation

The carpet underneath me is itching my skin, which is exposed because I’m pretty sure my shirt is ripped in the front, but that’s the least of my problems. I can barely lift my head up.

“I think she’s awake,” I hear Mama say, though I can’t open my eyes yet to get a grasp on what’s going on. “We need to get her up. It’s time to go.”

“Don’t you think I fucking know that?” the man’s voice says.

“How much did you give her?”

“She’s apparently a lightweight. Not like her mama. It shouldn’t have knocked her out for this long.”

“Well, we need to get her ass up. We’re going to be late.”

“Hold your damn horses, woman. You’ll get your fix soon enough. As soon as we get the pills and the cash, I’ll give you more of what you want.”

I feel hands underneath me lift me up, and slowly my eyes come open. They are blurry, and I can’t make out much, but from what I can, it looks like a very old, very run-down motel room.

“There’s my girl,” my mom says, stepping into my line of sight. “Ready to go see your doctor man?”

I can’t answer before the man drags me out and throws me in the car. This time he takes the wheel and Mama sits in the back with me. She has a gun at my side, and I can’t believe this is real life. Naomi was never a candidate for mother of the year, but this is extreme, even for her. She hit me a few times, only when she was drunk or stoned, and even those instances were so random I barely remembered them. Was I neglected? Sure. I was the adult of the household for as long as I could remember. But this? Kidnapping your daughter and holding her at gunpoint? If I wasn’t living it, I wouldn’t believe it.

“Why, Mom?” My words come out in a barely there whisper. I’m so thirsty. “Why are you doing this?”

She lets out a sigh, like she’s explaining something to be me for the hundredth time. “Because you, my girl, owe me. Do you know what you left behind? You left me alone, without you or Ralph. I had no money, no man, no nothin’. And it’s all your fault. We had a good thing going, and you went and ruined it. So the way I see it, this has been a long time coming.”

“Naomi!” the man up front screams. “What did I fucking tell you about bringing him up!”

His tone makes my mother go stiff. “I’m so sorry, Paul,” my mom says, and it truly sounds like she is. “You know I don’t mean to.”

“You better fucking watch it. You know I don’t like it when you talk about him. At least this time she isn’t wearing her wire. She didn’t get me before, and she’s not getting me this time.”

What does this guy mean? I try to remember back to that time. It’s been so long since I thought about those years…

The two of them shooting up in our kitchen.

Arguing over everything.

Ralph giving me pills to sell.

Ralph telling me once that he didn’t have his stash yet, that he had to wait for it to be delivered.

His brother coming over to get high.

Then, it hits me.

Paul.

Ralph’s brother.

And not just his brother. Apparently, he was the supplier all along.

Paul didn’t come around much. The few times he did, I remember that he gave me the creeps. I never directly saw who gave Ralph the drugs he had me sell. But if my cloudy mind is correct, he must have gotten them from Paul.

We pull into the empty parking lot of the clinic. When the car stops, Paul yanks open the door, pulls me out of the car, and immediately wraps one arm around my neck and puts the other hand, the one holding a second gun, to my temple. My mom follows, lazily waving the gun she had held to my side. We start walking toward the clinic entrance as headlights blind us as a car pulls into the parking lot.

Garrett.

God, I hate that he’s in this situation. I hate that my mother and her habit could hurt someone I love. If something happens to Garrett, I honestly don’t know how I’ll survive.

I can only hope that he’s not trying to be Superman right now and that Mark is here… somewhere.

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