Page 15 of Runaway Bride's Guide to Love

“Yes. Fugly. A combination of fucking and ugly.”

“Oh. My bad. Continue.”

She shrugs, toying with the pint of beer. “That’s about it. I caught him. I ran. I texted my mom and siblings that the wedding was off before turning off my phone. Then I walked into the bar. You know the rest.”

Damn. I knew shit had to have been bad for a woman to end up alone at a bar in the middle of the afternoon in a wedding dress. But that…no one should have one of those things happen to you, let alone both in less than a day.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “That’s…a lot.”

She nods and lets a silence come down between us. This isn’t the first time since we’ve sat down that this happened, and I’m guessing it won’t be the last. But like hell am I going to try and insert random conversation or questions I have no business asking. This is her rodeo. I’m just along for the ride.

“Woo! I’m getting married!”

The announcement of an incoming bachelorette party grabs everyone’s attention.

“Ignore them,” I whisper to Tiger, who is currently shooting death glares at the bachelorette and her crew of twenty that are skipping up to the bar.

Tiger nods as she turns to look at them. Because of her rather large veil, I can’t see the look she’s giving to the soon-to-be-bride, but I’d guess it’s not a friendly one.

“Oh my God! Bride bestie!” The bachelorette skips—literally skips—over to us. Between her high-pitched tone and her barely-there dress, I doubt Tiger and this girl would be besties.

And I immediately hate myself for even thinking that word in my head.

“Don’t do it,” I hear Tiger say. Which makes Bachelorette Barbie go from bubbly to confused.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Don’t do it. Marriage is a fucking sham. Men are liars. Get out while you can.”

Barbie tsks. “My man doesn’t lie. He loves me.”

Tiger laughs. And not just a little laugh. A loud, straight from the gut laugh that gets everyone’s attention. It’s almost the laugh of a mad villain in a Bond movie. “That’s what they all say. Ask him about his sex worker. I wonder if he has the same one mine did. If it’s Nadia, she’s at least good people.”

Now, I realize I don’t know Tiger well. But it's going on three hours since we met, and in that time she’s been in one fight. And I have a feeling another is about to happen. Especially when I see Barbie give her a onceover.

“Whatever. I keep my man satisfied. He’d never call someone like that. Then again, if I looked like you do right now, I can’t say I blame the guy.”

Ah fuck…

Tiger doesn’t say anything. No, like a true wild animal, she just pounces. Somehow she launches herself from the barstool at Barbie in a haze of white fabric and guttural screams, her feet never touching the ground.

Wait…is she pulling her hair?

“I gave him everything!” Tiger yells as she rips off the bachelorette’s tiara. “And this is his mother’s dress! I was trying to be a good wife! He’s the one who stole money from me. He’s the one who fucked around! I suck good dick!”

The bartender looks at me and I nod, knowing that we’venow just officially outstayed our welcome. Thankfully I paid the tab after the last round.

“Let’s go, Tiger,” I say as I pull her off Barbie. “I think it’s time to relocate.”

Her arms and legs are still flailing as I throw her over my shoulder. Which is the easier way to carry her, but I didn't account for the monstrosity of a wedding dress flying in my face due to her feet kicking wildly. I can barely see where I’m going when I hear the final words from Tiger as we exit the bar.

“Don’t do it! Save yourself!”

“How the hell? How do you keep making them?”

Tiger does a little victory dance after bouncing the quarter into the shot glass.

Again.

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