Page 23 of Runaway Bride's Guide to Love

I think back to those minutes in the bridal suite before my world went upside down. The worry I felt. The uncertainty. Staring at myself in the mirror and not knowing who I was anymore.

She’s right. I did have one foot out the door.

But that still doesn’t give him an excuse to hurt me like he did.

Because he hurt me. He hurt me so fucking bad.

“How could he do this? We were supposed to get married. Why did he do this?”

My last words come out in a scream as the avalanche pours on top of my head.

The money.

The cheating.

The years of manipulation I never saw.

The time I wasted on him.

The parts of myself I let go to make him happy.

The need to have what everyone else had so compelling that I lost sight of who I was.

I knew today everything would come crashing down on me. Once the first tear comes out, I know there’s no stopping them.

And frankly, I don’t want them to.

guide to love rule #4

There are five stages of grieving a breakup.

There are also the sub-stages, which include eating, drinking, crying, and swearing.

7

stella

Even when Iwas shit-faced drunk on Saturday night, delusional enough to pretend like I didn’t have a care in the world, I knew the real tears were going to come.

I didn’t realize they weren’t going to stop.

Don’t you run out at some point? I mean, how much can one person cry in a twenty-four-hour span?

The answer is apparently all day, all night, through eating and sleeping and everything in between. Though after breakfast yesterday, I haven’t eaten anything. And calling what I did sleep is laughable. Every time I think I’m done with the tears and I can move on to the next stage of grief, which is anger, they start again. Which sucks, because Ireallywant to be in the anger stage. I’d pay any amount of money to be in the anger stage. Breaking shit right now sounds fan-fucking-tastic.

Like Duncan’s nose. Or his precious bottles of rare vintage Jameson. That would hurt him more than anything else.

But no…I’m sitting here in the crying/denial stage, where I can’t believe that instead of leaving for my honeymoon today, I’m wondering what my next step should be. When do I have to go back into the world? What will people say? Whatarepeople saying? How do I show my face at work? Will Duncan still havea job or will my dad call in a few favors and get him fired? Can that even happen?

And if he does get let go, would it be worth it? Sure, I wouldn’t have to see Duncan every day, but the not-so-subtle comments about me getting everything because of my dad will fire back up with a vengeance. That’s all I heard when I got hired. I was the nepo baby of Carter, Banks, and Fairchild. It took me a full year to prove myself. If Dad pulls strings to get Duncan fired, I have a feeling the talk will be worse than before. Not only would it remind everyone that I’m a partner’s daughter, but that I’m also a real-life runaway bride. One I can handle. Two might break me. A woman can only tolerate so much when trying to put on the brave face.

“Stella?” The whisper and light knock comes from Ainsley. “Can we come in?”

Ugh...she said we. That means all of them.

It’s time for a meeting of the Banks Sisterhood.

Ainsley I could handle. She’s gentle. And even when she disagrees with you, she does it in the nicest way possible. But the other two? Them I’m not sure about.

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