Page 51 of Runaway Bride's Guide to Love

“Were sent by someone! Who wanted me dead!”

What the hell?

The music and the “singing” is coming from Stella’s house. When I turn to see what the hell is going on, I see her standing outside, past her patio, with her arms out wide. It’s like she’s begging the storm to take her.

What the hell is she doing?

I don’t recognize the song she’s singing, and from this distance I’m only hearing every other word. It sounds like something about someone trying to maybe kill someone? Or having them gunned down? Whatever it is, it sounds angry, though I don’t know if that’s a strong enough word. I might be a house away, but I can feel the rage and hurt rolling off her with every lyric she yells.

I’m watching Stella exorcise a demon.

I doubt she can hear me, but I don’t move an inch, not wanting to interrupt her. Because what I’m witnessing right now is hauntingly beautiful. Seeing this woman, who I know has been trying to put on a brave face while going through every emotion there is on a daily basis, has to be hard. I also know she’s only telling me parts of it. Today’s a great example. She said she was fine, but her eyes gave her away. I know she’s trying to limit talking about every feeling she’s having in front of me. For one, I’ve not been shy on my feelings about Duncan, and he’s tied to every one of her emotions right now. Two, I have a suspicion she thinks she has to put on a brave face for me. That she doesn’t want to come off as this whiny woman who can’t get over it.

That’s where she’s wrong. There’s nothing she could do, or say, that would change my opinion of her. She’s the strongestwoman I’ve ever met. And she’s showing it right now without a goddamn care in the world.

The song changes, but her voice doesn’t stop. If anything, like the storm outside, it only gains speed. It’s like she’s channeling the sea to go into battle with her. This goes on for at least a minute when her singing suddenly stops. The music doesn’t. I can still hear it in the distance, but she’s not singing.

I train my eyes on her when I see her collapse to the ground. It’s like in slow motion. She just slowly drops to her knees, which is followed by a cry so loud it’s like she’s right next to me.

I don’t think. I don’t hesitate. I don’t bother with an umbrella as I race across the beach and maneuver past the rocks that serve as a divide between the houses. I almost slip a few times as the water pools in the sand, but I keep my stride until I reach her.

Her cries are loud and painful as I bend down to pick her up. She doesn’t fight me, instead wrapping her arms around my neck like a boa constrictor. I blink away the rain drops pelting my face as I carry her back inside the house.

I feel her hot tears despite my wet T-shirt as we sit on the couch. Fuck…I want to do more than just hold her. I want to take away every ounce of this hurt. I’d do anything to be able to do that for her.

“Why’d he do it?” Stella asks between sobs.

I brush back her hair and continue to gently rock her. “I don’t know, Tiger. I wish I did.”

“He said he loved me. He said he wanted to marry me. Why would he lie and cheat and steal? Why would he live almost another life?”

I’ll admit I’ve wondered this too. “I don’t know Duncan well. I only met him once, but my guess would be because he’s one of those pompous fucks who thought he could have his cake and eat it too. He wanted to live this risk-filled lifestyle with bad business deals and cheating. But he also wanted the life everyone told him he was supposed to have with his stable career and beautiful wife.”

“What about the life I wanted? Did that not mean anything?”

Stella finally looks up at me, and my heart breaks instantly. It takes every ounce of strength in me not to cry for her. She looks beaten down. Still beautiful. But just…drained.

“Of course it does,” I say. “Maybe not to him. But it does.”

“I thought we wanted the same things,” she says. “I was a fool.”

“No. Not a fool.” I tip her chin up, forcing her to look me in the eye when I ask her this question. “What do you want? What does Stella Banks want in life? Truly. Not what she thinks she wants because others have it. What doyouwant?”

She doesn’t say anything for a second, but doesn’t move off her seat on my lap either. The tears have pushed back a little, but I can tell they could burst again at any moment.

“I want a job I love that doesn’t feel like work. I want friends I adore and my sisters and family to have everything they want.” She takes a deep breath before she continues. “And I want a man who loves me so much it hurts. And I want to love him with everything I have. I want date nights out and lazy nights in where we’re wrapped around each other. I want him to pull me into his arms and dance barefoot in the kitchen just because the moment strikes. I want to learn about things he does and him to not bitch when I want to go shoe shopping. Or think it’s stupid when I say that I want to volunteer at the animal shelter. Or that will write down my overly complicated coffee order in his phone so he knows what my order is when he wants to get me a drink just because. I want to try new foods and not feel self-conscious about them. I want to walk down the aisle and our eyes be glued to each other and let the rest of the guests fall away. I want to start a family that will be loving and supportive and crazy, just like how I grew up. I want it all. I don’t want to settle. But most importantly, I want someone who wants that too.”

I don’t say anything. I don’t think she expects me to, which is good. How can I when I’m pushing down the burning sensation of jealousy, knowing the man she wants—the man she deserves—can never be me? I’m not that guy. She wants the fairytale. And no matter how many times I’ve been told otherwise, I’m no Prince Charming.

“Do you know what I want right now?” Stella asks.

“What’s that?”

“I want you to kiss me.”

My entire body goes still. I don’t say anything. Hell, I think I forget to breathe.

She turns toward me slightly. “I want to feel something more than sadness or hurt or anger. That’s all I’ve known since I ran. And I just…please Emmett…help me feel.”

---