Page 54 of Betrayed

“So, is it an SSI thing to fall for the woman we have to protect?” Jay asked. That stupid, trademark Sheppard lop-sided grin on his face. The one they’d all inherited from John.

Jack defended himself. “I fell before Meg hired us.” He pointed at Jamie. “But our by-the-book, straight as an arrow, big brother broke all the rules when he fell for Emily while we were protecting her from Asshat Craig.” Jack used the nickname Ashley had given Emily’s ex. We didn’t talk about him much, not wanting to disrespect the dead, but he’d earned his name.

Jamie scowled at Jack, but it didn’t last long. He thought he’d never find love again after losing his first wife and counted his blessings every day for finding love a second time. Of course, he was beyond overly protective of Emily, but she didn’t seem to mind.

Jamie smiled; his love too big to hide behind a scowl. “No regrets.”

“Me either,” Jack said.

They all looked at me. “What?” I feigned indifference, refusing to give them more ammo to fire at me. If things could bedifferent, if I could have what they had, I’d happily stand in front of the firing squad with a smile on my face.

But I couldn’t, and their good-natured teasing hurt too much. Not that they understood my hesitancy. I’d never told anyone the extent of my father’s abuse, or about my anger management issues. Unwilling to destroy their opinion of me, I’d never shared my full history or fears.Better to let them think I'm the class clown who doesn’t want to settle down.

“She’d be lucky to have you,” Jack said.

On the contrary. “Why Jackson, you’re making me blush.” I said in my best southern belle voice while fanning my face.

I was done with this conversation and needed to pack a bag and gear up my truck. “I’m running home to grab my shit. I’ll be back soon.”Should I check on Blake first?

“You know you don’t need to come back tonight. You can stay home and get some rest,” Jamie said. I half expected he said it just to force me to argue.

I glanced down the hall. “I’ll be back in thirty,” I huffed as I turned and walked out. “Lock the door behind me,” I said without looking back. It took an enormous amount of effort not to walk to Blake's room first.

“Right behind you,” Jack said, clapping my shoulder.

At the door, Jack asked if I was okay. What was I supposed to say? Professionally, I was okay to do the job—I’d snap every single neck in Texas to keep Blake safe. Personally, I was a nut job—it was killing me to be so close to Blake knowing she could never be mine.

“I’m here if you want to talk,” he said as he held out his hand. When I took it, he pulled me into a hug.

“Don’t go getting all girlie on me, Sheppard.” I didn’t bother telling myself he wouldn’t notice the pain in my eyes. Jack noticed everything. It was a great quality in a PI, but I hated it when I was in his crosshairs.

“You know where I am.” He didn’t take the bait. “Hurry back. Blake's calmer when you’re around.”

I'd felt it, but refused to let myself believe it, so hearing Jack say it was like a knife through my heart.It's only because I'm familiar.

Memories of my father beating my mother, beating me, filled my dreams. But the worst was when my father’s face morphed into mine as he, as I, hit Blake.

Things weren’t much better when I was awake. I’d get up, talk to Jamie or Jay, hit the head, then walk the inside perimeter of the house, stopping to peek in Blake’s room. I needed sleep to be effective at my job, so after a few minutes of annoying whoever was up, I’d go back to the couch and try again. Eventually, I’d drift off and the cycle would start all over again.

During one of my self-appointed rounds, I stood in the doorway and watched Blake sleep. She was curled up in a tiny ball with the blanket tucked up to her chin.My Sleeping Beauty.

Meg chose well when she gave Blake the call sign Aurora.I know way too fucking much about princesses for a man without kids.Shaking my head, I went back to the couch.

When I woke up around four-thirty, I stayed up. The plan was to get on the road by seven, so I expected Blake to sleep in for another hour.

“Coffee’s brewing,” Jamie said when I walked back to the kitchen.

“Thanks. Mind if I shower real quick?”

“Towels are in the closet.”

“Thanks. I’ll make breakfast when I’m done.”

Jamie nodded and lifted his coffee mug.

I ran the water as hot as I could get it, hoping to burn away my feelings. When that didn’t work, I switched to the other extreme. The shock of the arctic blast didn’t work either.

Fuck. My life was easier when I didn’t have to worry about feelings. Feeling things brought back the fears and memories I’d trapped in steel boxes in my mind. Feelings that had me longing for a future with someone. Not someone, Blake.

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