Page 75 of Betrayed

He stopped mid-word, his jaw hanging open.

“Why?”

I openly stared as he slowly closed his mouth and gently shook his head back and forth.

“I don’t know. I can’t explain it, but from the moment I looked into your eyes that first day in the office…” He paused. “No, I felt it the instant I looked at your picture. It was like you reached out and grabbed my heart. It doesn’t make sense. I just know what I felt.”

He looked as confused as I felt.

“You fell in love with me? Before meeting me? Before knowing me?” I couldn’t keep the snarky disbelief out of my voice.

“Sounds crazy, right? But it’s true. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and the Blake I see when I look in your eyes is not the same Blake everyone else sees.”

He sees the real me, not the mask.

“But you deserve so much better.”

I shook my head no.I’m a hot mess.

“Trust me, I have no delusions I could ever be good enough for you.” He looked at my lips. “And kissing you, knowing I can’t have you, would destroy me.”

AJ swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. The bed suddenly felt too big.

“AJ?” I had no idea how to ask him to stay.

He turned and waited, but I couldn’t find the words or the courage to tell him what I wanted.

Chapter 37

AJ

“Try to get some rest.” I’d foolishly bared my soul and would have to live with the consequences. It would've been so much easier keeping my distance if she’d been the spoiled brat I’d expected.

Still reeling from the shock of her initiating a kiss, I went to the bathroom to douse my face in ice-cold water. Sad eyes stared back at me in the mirror.

I’d hurt her when I turned away from her kiss, but what else could I do? Kissing her would kill me.

No, tasting one heavenly kiss, then being denied her sweet lips for the rest of my life would kill me.

If I was a better man, I’d ask to be re-assigned and let someone else stay here with her.But I’m not, andI can’t. As hard as it was to be with her every day, every hour, every minute, knowing I couldn’t be the man she needed or wanted, it’d be impossible to be anywhere else.

I had to stay if I wanted to maintain my sanity.

Needing to work off some energy, I cleaned the kitchen. Then I called Jack, offering to relieve him so he could use the restroom and grab a snack.

Once he was back in his car, he called. He greeted me with, “You look like hell.”

“Fuck you, Sheppard.” Leave it to my best friend to kick me when I was down. Not that he knew what had happened, but still.

“She’s under your skin, isn’t she?”

I chugged the last of my water instead of answering. She had been from day one, and he knew it.

“Be patient. She’ll eventually see the teddy bear behind the ogre.” He’d laughed his ass off when I told him what she’d called me. "I’m right outside if you want to talk."

“Thanks.” I couldn’t imagine a scenario in which I’d open up to Jack more than I just had. I trusted him with my life, but couldn’t bring myself to share my darkest secret with my best friend.Whichsays more about me than him.

Jack would have my back if I shared my past with him. He wouldn’t hold my father’s sins against me, but I wasn’t a talk about my feelings kind of guy. And I didn’t want him looking at me differently, wondering when I’d lose control. I’d never hit a woman in anger.

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