Page 100 of This Wild Heart

Aside from one innocent kiss, I’d allowed him the position of power, instigating those brief, searing moments of heat.

It will hurt, Anya,my heart screamed.It will hurt more than anything has before.

Walking away from him would feel like tearing out my insides.

Rolling my lips together, I looked away, allowing the moment to de-escalate, a desperately needed break in the tension vibrating between us.

Parker remained quiet. Watchful. The weight of his gaze was staggering. After clearing my throat, I busied myself putting away my tablet, then the sketch pad and pencils next to it. Parker stilled me with a touch to my arm.

When I looked up in question, he was staring at my face. He brought his hand up, licking at the pad of his thumb, then took my chin in his hand and scrubbed at a spot along my jaw.

“Pencil,” he said by way of explanation. But his eyes were fierce as he released me.

Could he hear my pounding heart?

My legs hardly kept me up as I leaned down and gave Leo a quick kiss on the forehead.

“Sleep well tonight, little lion,” I whispered. “Your dad needs rest.”

So did I.

Maybe this would all feel less terrifying after a full night to recover. The familiarity we’d fostered with family would ease its iron grip. Space to breathe would help. The start of a new day where I kept my head on straight and my guard up.

Maybe. Probably fucking not.

I felt Parker’s eyes on me as I left the room. Spike pranced after me, and when I closed myself into my room, sinking back against the door, I let out a sharp breath.

I was doomed, wasn’t I? The longer I stayed here, the worse it would get, until I was so hopelessly tangled up in this man that there was no way out. Until my roots were so deep in his life, and his in mine, that it would take a complete excavation—ruthless and destructive—to set us both free.

Chapter 27

Anya

Something really stupid happened when you finally admitted to yourself that you’d fallen in love.

It was like I’d popped some sort of hallucinogenic drug and now just had to wait out the effects. Every noise in the house was amplified—the heavy tread of Parker’s steps outside my bedroom door echoed like a gunshot, the low murmur of his voice when he spoke to Leo hit my sensitive ears like a scream.

I wanted to know everything he was doing. Everything. Even worse, I wanted to watch him doing all those things. Since when did I have voyeuristic tendencies? Since marrying Parker Wilder, apparently. I’d never be able to tell him of course, because he’d hold that over my head with a gleeful smile on his face.

There was a sharp pang in my chest when my brain conjured up a vivid image of the way he’d tease me about that.

I’d gotten cocky, hadn’t I?

Making it out of the room without giving in to that man flooded me with a false sense of confidence. Pride cometh before the fall and whatever other bullshit people said.

Part of the problem was that I’d retreated to my room too early, and I wasn’t tired enough to sleep. I lay on the bed, my mind racing and the clock flashing as the minutes passed, yet sleep never came.

Training camp loomed and maybe that was why all the thoughts in my head were amplified. I should have been calmly thinking about what that would look like, about what kind of performance we’d be putting on. But when I did, a sick feeling turned my stomach, squeezing it dangerously until I felt like I had to take several deep breaths.

That setting wasn’t new to me. I’d visited the Wolves training camp for years, even before … the bile rose in my throat. Even before Max. And every time I showed up, every time I donned the black and red gear, did my hair, and made sure everything was perfect, I walked onto those fields knowing exactly what I was doing there.

It was, had always been, a safe place for me.

My hands shook where I had them clasped on top of my stomach.

It didn’t feel safe showing up for Parker at the Voyagers fields. Or at his games. Not anymore. There was very little in the way of logic attached, but being at the Wilders had imbued me with a false sense of security. It was a bubble, far removed from reality, and I hadn’t realized just how much. Upon our arrival back to his house, the safety net disappeared in a poof.

I was alone on that tightrope, stretched tight over the Grand freaking Canyon.

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