Page 33 of This Wild Heart

“What’s he thinking, Joe? We’re not used to seeing him quite like this.”

“Honestly, I think he’s in shock. Can you blame him?”

“No. If I’m Parker Wilder, this haunts me the entire offseason.”

The screen went black, and I turned to look over my shoulder. I hadn’t even heard the door open, but I knew who it was based on the shape of his shoulders and the shiny bald head reflecting the lights.

“How many times have you watched this, Parker?”

Dr. Alex did not want the answer to that.

There was no judgment in the team shrink’s voice. There never was. The guy was well respected in the locker room, and he popped up everywhere lately, reminding me in that quiet way of his that his door was always open.

It was open when I arrived at the facilities, his light spilling into the hallway as I walked past on my way in. It was open after I spent two hours in the weight room and finished off my self-flagellation with my regular reminder of how our last season ended. It was the easiest form of punishment when I was pissed at myself because it was something I could work on.

The past two years of my life? Couldn’t change shit.

Sex dream about my wife that was a touch too realistic? Definitely couldn’t do anything about that.

But this … I could make sure this never happened again.

I didn’t answer Dr. Alex right away. Instead, I stood, pointed the remote at the screen, and turned it off.

God, didn’t it feel like someone had a remote pointed at me sometimes? The press of a button and everything shuts off for a while. The smallest reminder, triggering a wave of numbness. I never knew when it would happen, and the worst feeling of all was the helplessness that came with it. I could fake it for a while. Usually, my very best performances were saved for times with my family, but then I just … couldn’t. Everything felt heavy. Too heavy to pretend it wasn’t there.

I wondered if Anya would be able to see it. If she already had.

Hell, she probably lay awake with her own regrets too.

“Not enough,” I told him.

“Parker, congrats on your wedding! Can we get a shot with you and Anya?”

Awesome. Paparazzi outside the front of my house. What a fun, exciting development this was.

Three guys lounged against their cars across the street. The one wearing a backward hat had his long lens camera aimed in my direction. The other two were filming on iPhones. I gave them a friendly smile. “Not tonight. Sorry, guys.”

With the garage door shut, I let myself into the back door and hung my keys on the hook.

When I walked down the hallway that opened into the family room, I wasn’t exactly sure what would greet me, but it wasn’t the sight of Anya Hennessy’s leggings-clad ass on the deck as she shifted into the Downward Dog position.

“Fucking fuck,” I muttered, tearing my eyes away from the insane shape of her body.

It was warm out, and she’d set up her yoga mat in a bright patch of sun. Anya pedaled her feet back and forth, stretching out her hamstrings, and no matter how badly I knew I shouldn’t be staring, I couldn’t not look.

The leggings were a pale purple, her cropped sports bra white with complicated little straps, and when she placed herself flat onto the mat underneath her, her legs pressed to the ground, her palms flat, Anya pushed her upper body into a C-shape, aiming her face up to the sky, her chest arching out, her features were peaceful.

Yeah, probably because she wasn’t expecting to be ogled.

My gaze dropped to the lightly defined muscles in her arms, and almost instantly, my mouth went dry. Her stomach was like that too.

I remember, of course, because I’d seen her naked, and God was punishing me by shoving that image into my subconscious every sixteen fucking seconds as I went about my day.

She looked strong. Healthy. She wasn’t stick thin, she had curves, but she also had that look about her like she could kick my ass if I wasn’t careful.

What did I expect, though? She practically grew up in a gym. The woman loved to work out. The fact that she was strong wasn’t a surprise, but my brain didn’t need to know how bendy she was.

I pinched my eyes shut and pivoted toward the kitchen, where I found Louise prepping dinner.

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