Page 78 of This Wild Heart

It was the magic of these moments, like I’d said. No one in the world to intrude, just us in the quiet, sharing secrets that would probably never come out in the harsh light of day.

The wall of Parker’s chest rose and fell on a large breath. “I get glimpses. Just moments when I forget. And I feel normal.”

His eyes closed, and he tipped his chin back. He hadn’t shaved, and there was a dark shadow of stubble on his knife-sharp jaw. My fingers itched to feel it.

“Then you should keep finding more of those moments,” I told him. “Or if you know what triggers them, do more of that.”

The look in his eyes was drenched in heat, and he shifted slightly, facing me more fully. “Should I?” he asked. His voice was sinful, like it reached it’s long, deft hands straight down the front of my sleep shorts. “You don’t even know what it is, golden girl.”

“I don’t,” I admitted unsteadily, breath stalling in my lungs. “I’m guessing you don’t want to tell me.”

His gaze dropped to my mouth. “It’s like someone flips a switch inside me. Not dead anymore. Not quiet. Not numb. It’s not like anything I’ve ever felt, and fuck, did I chase it for those two years. I wanted to feel something. Anything. If I knew this was out there …” He let out a low sigh, almost a growl from deep in his chest. “I would’ve done anything to have it.”

My heart hammered dangerously high, dangerously loud, and I wondered if he could hear it.

“Anything?” I whispered.

Parker closed his eyes, his head thudding back on the headboard. His hand shot out and clutched my thigh. A shocked gasp tore clear from my throat at the strength in his grip.

Tap, tap, tap.

His thumb, just along the outside of my thigh, snapped me clean from whatever place my head had gone. His, too.

It was too much for him. Overwhelming for me too, only I hadn’t had the wherewithal to yank us out. I’d let myself sink under the surface right along with Parker.

It was so easy.

We were quiet after that, but I felt his eyes on me the entire time I changed Leo’s diaper and settled him back in his bassinet with the pacifier lazily moving in his mouth. Out of a desperate sense of self-preservation, I kept my back to Parker as I pulled the covers back over my shoulders. He was still sitting against the headboard when I did.

Eventually, the lamp turned off.

He shifted back down onto the bed, and even if it might not be wise, I moved from my side to my back, staring up at the ceiling while Parker settled. There was less space between us now, and the heat of his body seeped through the thin quilt covering us.

Then he let out a heavy sigh, and something about it seeped under my skin, even though I didn’t really want to allow it there.

I tried not to think about him in those months after his dad died. About the dark circles that must’ve lived under his eyes, the ways he sought to fill the empty spaces inside, and the devastating grasp for normality when it seemed so impossible. The world would’ve expected him to bounce back because so much of his life was charmed. Perfect. But that wasn’t how it worked in the real world. It was hard to claw yourself back to the way you felt before, and no one, no one was immune to struggle.

On top of the covers, my hand inched to the side only pausing when my pinky brushed against his. Parker sucked in a sharp breath, his head turning to the side. Neither of us said anything, but he shifted his hand underneath mine, our palms joining as I angled my hand to make it easier. Make it clear that I was meeting him there.

Our fingers eased together, and the breath caught in my throat when the silence remained unbroken, but somehow sweeter for it.

Neither asked if it was pretend because I wasn’t sure either of us wanted to hear the answer. With his warm, calloused skin anchored against mine, Parker fell asleep first. My head remained silent. My body yearned for his. But my heart … my heart whispered caution.

Chapter 20

Parker

“At least pretend to be happy,” Anya whispered when she passed me the next present.

I gave her a look. “Don’t I look thrilled? Someone just gave us a Diaper Genie, and even though I have no fucking clue what that is or why I want one, I smiled and everything.”

Across the room, Sheila bounced back and forth with Leo in her arms, laughing at Sage and Olive, who were performing an interpretive dance with some blue streamers.

You know what happens when you have sisters?

A surprise baby shower.

The morning had been great. Really great. I got in a workout with Cameron, who took the morning off to hang out with me. Ian had done the same, joining us after he got Sage to school. Anya stayed back at the house with Sheila, Ivy, Poppy, and Leo, while Greer took Olive over to a jobsite so she could help pick paint colors. Harlow was on a deadline with her publisher, so she promised to join the girls after she finished writing her chapter.

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