Page 86 of This Wild Heart

As I straightened, I watched Leo to make sure he didn’t wake, not even daring to breathe too loudly, but he stayed asleep. Letting out a slow exhale, I ran my hand through my hair, seized by an immediate urge to take a picture of him. Capture him on this night because it felt like a moment.

A breakthrough.

One of many that I needed to have, even if I was still only halfway up the fucking mountain. I patted my pocket, but realized I left it downstairs. The shower was still running, fragrant steam filling the hallway as I pulled the bedroom door almost shut. A low humming echoed in the bathroom, and even though I couldn’t recognize the tune she was singing, it still made me smile.

I went down the steps, skipping the bottom one out of habit because it always creaked more loudly than the others.

“Don’t think I don’t know you guys figured out that step when your brothers were in high school.”

Sheila stood in the kitchen, a mug of tea in her hands and an eyebrow arched in a way that made me feel like I was fifteen again.

“Does that mean you always knew when we snuck out?”

“Every time, sweetheart. Why do you think your dad and I started watching TV so late?” Before I could answer, she raised her chin. “Come here.”

There wasn’t much about it that was a request, and when Sheila Wilder commanded you to do something, there was no choice but to listen.

“I scared everyone away, huh?” I asked.

She smiled gently. “Every once in a while, they know when to leave well enough alone.”

I nodded.

“Erik got here while you were gone. And Adaline FaceTimed in. She wanted to come, but they had two staff members get food poisoning, and she had to step in to help. Emmett’s at some retreat with his receivers.”

“All that chaos, and we were still missing half the fucking family,” I muttered.

Sheila laughed, but her eyes were full of worry. How many wrinkles had we added to her face over the years? How much gray hair? She’d never been one to obsess over looking young. Both she and my dad always looked a little older than their age.

Wisdom, she’d told me. Hard-earned wisdom from living a full life.

With a sigh, I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, my eyes closing when she leaned her head against my chest. “I’m sorry, Mom. It’s a good present. The kids will love it.”

“If you’d like, I can wait to start Leo’s until you have those test results back, but that boy looks exactly like you.”

“I know,” I admitted quietly.

Sheila set her mug on the counter. “You know why I’m doing it?”

“Because we’re not keeping you busy enough?”

Her eyes crinkled with laughter. “Smart-ass,” she said fondly. “No, that’s not why. We’re always looking for ways to make it hurt less, aren’t we? It hurts because the most important thing we leave behind is the way we make people feel. It’s not things or money. It’s losing the way that person made us feel while they were alive. A blanket is a poor substitute, I know, but your father was so good at making people feel safe and warm and taken care of.” Her eyes filled. “He did that for me when we met, and I’m telling you, I swore I’d never get married again after my first husband left. There was no choice but to change my mind. I couldn’t help myself. And I’m so glad I did. Your father could’ve lived another twenty years, and it would’ve hurt the same to say goodbye.”

The ache inside me was marrow-deep, not even remotely confined to my chest, and it didn’t dissipate when I wrapped her in a tight hug.

“I know.” I set my chin on her head and we stood there for a while. “Anya told me I’ve been trying to get rid of the hurt. Make it disappear. But we can’t, can we?”

“No, sweetie.” She pulled back and cupped my face in her hands. “She’s good for you, Parker.”

Instead of agreeing to that too, because the lie felt too big and too ugly, I simply smiled. “I’m glad we could come home this weekend.”

She patted my cheek. “Me too.”

“No parenting pep talk?” I asked as she dropped her hands.

“Nope.”

My eyebrow arched. “Are you waiting until I’ve let my guard down, and then you’ll pop up around the corner later? Show up at my front door like Greer?”

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