Page 98 of This Wild Heart

I hummed. “Oh, I think he did that on the first day.”

Parker grimaced, eyeing the cat as he hopped up onto the ottoman in front of the couch and met his gaze unwaveringly.

“What?” Parker snapped. “If you’re gonna murder me, cat, just do it. Quit toying with me like this.”

I tried to hide my smile in Leo’s neck, disguising it by blowing a soft raspberry against the baby’s shoulder. But movement from the corner of my eye made my head snap back.

Parker’s too.

Because Spike hopped from the ottoman to the couch, sniffed at Parker’s arm, then curled up against his thigh.

“Well, that’s nice. I don’t have to call the cops and have them dispose of your carcass. Saves me a lot of trouble.”

Parker was not amused.

He worked for a while longer, and I moved to the table, Leo in his bouncer, while I worked on some more sketches. Chewing furiously on my bottom lip, I hardly noticed the pencil all over my fingertips until I tweaked Leo’s foot. I left a dark smudge on his sock, and shook my head ruefully when I glanced down at my hands. There was a crumpled paper towel on the table, and I used that to clean my hands.

Leo gripped his pacifier in his hand, staring at the bright red plastic with a slightly cross-eyed expression, and I couldn’t help but laugh when his leg started kicking back and forth.

“You’ll be able to run soon enough, buddy,” I promised him.

I clicked my tongue, and his attention focused in on the sound, then on my face.

“Is little guy coming to training camp tomorrow?” I asked. “Wasn’t sure if you decided or not.”

From the couch, Parker let out a heavy exhale. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. It would be one thing if there wouldn’t be press there, but the first day is always such a fucking zoo.”

My role was clear. I show up and make myself seen, wear a Wilder jersey and allow the fans to see me with the other families. Putting on a show, not unlike what we’d done for the last few days with his family. Each performance felt just a little more real, and I wondered how impossible it would be to maintain any sort of division between fantasy and reality by the end of the season.

An unpleasant twist in my stomach had me seeking a distraction. There was a small bee toy on the table, something we’d been given at the shower, and he seemed to react well to the little tinkling bell sound inside of it.

Making silly noises, I made the bee dance in the air, zooming it in at his face right at the last minute. His little mouth curved in a gummy smile. A real one.

My breath caught. “Parker, come here. Quick.”

Repeating the motion, I got another smile from Leo, and I found myself unexpectedly laughing. Parker came behind me, his hands braced on my chair, fingers brushing along my shoulders.

“Do it again,” he urged.

I did, and when Leo smiled again, I glanced up excitedly at Parker. The elated look on his face had the strangest effect, something unexpected cracking open in the vicinity of my sternum.

A sudden terror bloomed, and it didn’t take very long to slap a name to it. I hadn’t done well guarding my heart. Not even a little. I wasn’t exactly sure when it happened—when those walls came crashing down—but I felt the impact of their implosion like a blow to the chest.

Only a sky-high plume of dust remained behind, and it was all I could do to breathe through it.

“Look at him,” Parker breathed, his eyes bright, his own smile wide, a dimple creasing in his cheek.

My eyes glossed over, and I wasn’t sure who I was crying for.

For Leo, in finding a father who would love him the way he deserved.

For Parker, in pushing beyond his own limiting beliefs that he wasn’t capable of feeling this way.

Or for me, knowing that I wouldn’t survive these two. That leaving them would break me clean in half.

Parker gestured for the bee toy, and numbly, I handed it to him, fumbling next with my phone with a desperate urge to capture little moments like this. I sat back to get a better angle, the video rolling as Parker took over for me, eliciting a couple more smiles from Leo. The little boy’s eyes danced like his body wanted to push out a giggle, but he wasn’t quite ready.

Letting out a quiet laugh, Parker straightened, threading a hand through his hair as he stared down at his son. “God, that’s amazing. I’ll probably fucking cry when he says Daddy for the first time.”

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