Page 13 of Chaos Kills

Bay was behind my brother’s murder.

She was there.

And now, she has to pay.

FOUR

bay

For once,I’m happy to be alone, because I can’t stop tears from forming and the broken sobs that follow.

My old life is dead.

And I have to bury half of it six feet deep with the idea—no, the ugly reality—that I will never see Dad’s smile again. I will never hear his voice, or sit out in the garage with him and watch him work on the Nova. We’ll never have late-night pizza runs while he tells me all his secrets about racing. And all the stories of trouble and close calls he had when he was younger.

I always aspired to be that man. His kindness, determination, and the love he showed me and my sisters was unprecedented. He shaped my life and who I am today.

And I’d never be able to repay him for that.

Ever.

The only thing I can do is make sure that Ellie and Mae get back home where they belong. To say goodbye and to ensure they live happy and full lives.

However, I can’t bring myself to go out and look for them. I’m crippled by grief, in the boxcar of the train I’ve taken up, and I’m so downcast with hopelessness that I’m no good to anyone.

My father was the strongest man I know.

He’d be out there right now searching for them, but I don’t know where to start. Dad would know how to forge through and take care of business.

And as much as I would love to say I received his strength tenfold, I’m a balled-up mess on this metal floor, wrapped in a blanket and wanting this to all be over.

I fucked up.

I know I did something wrong.

Maybe Dad knew all the shit that was taking place, had someone from the Nameless reporting back to him, and it caused him to stroke out again. I never told him I knew about Emilio. I wonder if he knew I was aware, and it killed him.

I’m still awaiting word that Levi has been released from prison. Each second and minute that passes by feels like a century, and it’s like another torture tactic from Emilio himself. Everything is on hold with Dad because…I just can’t bury him alone.

I can’t.

Then I have to tell Mae and Ellie they’re stuck with me, and I lied when I told them Dad was coming home.

And with each passing millisecond, my mind gets more hasty and reckless with each idea that passes through.

BAY: We need to break Levi out of jail.

HOT ROD: No.

JUICE: Yes.

HOT ROD: Juice, you stupid dumbfuck. We’ve talked about this.

JUICE: I’m sorry, moron. But did you really want us to wait on Emilio Wildes? That prick isn’t doing anything.

HOT ROD: You wanna be in a cell next to him?

JUICE: I didn’t plan on getting caught. Did you, Astor?

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