Page 206 of Chaos Kills

But there’s no denying it led me here. However, it’s a nice little smack to reality that my brain just doesn't want to divulge in.

“I need you to forgive me,” she whispers, so soft and fucking delectable it’s hard not to give her what she wants.

But it’s not about what she wants but what I need.

Rolling off her because—I was right—this was a really bad idea, I realize I must be a masochist for emotional pain. To keep going back to something that will never be fully mine.

I can’t just forget what she did.

What she’s doing.

Ozzy has her, and he isn’t even capable of fully being with her. That’s what bothers me the most. I have a brother who threw himself into a very uncomfortable situation and didn’t talk to us about it. To even offer if someone else wanted to marry her to save her from marrying Ramsey.

I would’ve volunteered in a heartbeat.

I would’ve beat Torin’s ass for her to stamp my last name on the back of hers. He could fuck her, I shared her, it didn’t bother me, but that last name…

It’s amazing how old-fashioned I am in that respect when I’m not in anything else.

“I need this, Reeve,” she quickly gets out. “I can’t bear the thought of you hating me for the rest of your life…and not looking at me like you used to.”

I get off the bed and stand. “This isn’t about you this time. This is about me and how I feel. What you fucking did to me.”

“I’m so sor?—”

“I don’t want your apology because it doesn’t fix anything. It doesn’t take back what you did.”

“I had to get my sisters back. Torin was already pissed at me, and he?—”

“I would’ve gotten them back for you,” I rebuke, pacing the floor next to her mattress. “You just don’t fucking get it, do you? I loved you. I wanted you forever. I wanted you first, since the first time I saw you.”

I see her move toward my side of the mattress. “I know, but I needed?—”

“I’m glad you got what you needed while you wreaked havoc through everyone else in the process. Do you know that Torin doesn’t sleep in his own bed? That he drinks himself to sleep? He can’t focus on anything?—”

“Ididn’tmurder Judah,” she yells then quickly rights the volume of her tone. “I didn’t put a bullet in him.”

“We didn’t see that.”

“Have you ever heard of editing videos? It’s done, Reeve, we’re in the twenty-first century.”

“That’s your problem with him. Mine is you shitting all over me.” I move for the window because spending another moment with her is going to kill me. It’s going to make me overdose. Ihave enough coke in my car to do a line, and I’ve already got way too much in my system right now.

“Please don’t leave.”

A mirthless chuckle rumbles from my chest because that please bullshit sounds awfully familiar.

There’s never going to be another Bay Astor. Another love story like this for me.

And even then, I’d call it a self-sabotaging tragedy.

I literally jumped off a cliff and free-fell all the way down into the abyss of reckless love and passion. I fell in love with a girl who I thought was beginning to love me back.

However, it wasn’t strong enough. I never would’ve done what she did to me.

“How do I make this better?”

Her plea halts my climbing through the window because my fractured heart desires another moment.

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