Page 290 of Chaos Kills

“I don’t want him risking his life for stupid things,” I reply whole-heartedly. “What he did?—”

“Was for you. Did I like that he went solo? No. However, Oz works a bit better that way. And I trust him.”

“Do…you need anything with Reeve’s dad? How is he? Did you find him?”

“No.” The small amount of hope I had that Reeve was located drops into the black pit of my stomach. “But we’ll find him. Right now, Luther needs his son more than anything.”

“Is it that bad?”

“Yeah. The doctors can’t even decide or fully diagnose what he has because every time he’s awake, he freaks out. He doesn’t remember me or Torin or even Oz. He thrashes around, terrified of everyone around him.” He sighs, defeat outlining his disappointment. “I don’t know what else to do.”

“Why not take him to a hospital?”

“I don’t want Elaine to know we took him yet. I don’t understand why she did this, but when Reeve finds out…”

He’s going to get worse.

“You’re doing the best you can.”

“It’s not enough,” he utters softly. “Everything…it’s just not enough.”

“You can’t fix everyone and everything, Cairo. You just can’t.”

“And what do you suggest I do?” he mutters, and I’m surprised he’s asking me, let alone, lying in my bed. “I want tofall asleep and never wake up because all of this is like being in a fucking nightmare. All this watching and planning has been for nothing. Everything we’ve wanted…we can’t put him in a ward. I don’t want Reeve to go through that.”

I notice he changed the subject to keep his feelings in check, but it still doesn’t mean I didn’t hear them. I know Cairo’s endgame is peace, but with all of us going through something, he’s the only person holding shit upright the best he can.

“We can figure something else out.”

“You said we.”

He finally opens his eyes. Dark muddy pools of brown that glimmer with the morning sun, and I never thought brown was a pretty color, but Cairo’s gaze is earthy and makes me feel grounded.

Clearing my throat, an uncomfortable lump forms there, and I feel as though it’s choking me out. “Cairo, you didn’t have to come here.”

“I wanted to. I wanted to see if you were okay.”

My teeth sink into my bottom lip to keep my breathing or a sob from giving my anxiety and grief away.

For the dismantled and ruined relationship Torin and I now have.

For Reeve and the way I threw him away like he meant nothing at all.

“I can’t do this,” I blurt out, balling my fingers into fists as tears burn in my eyes. “I can’t do any of this.”

“Do what?”

“I can’t sit on that seat.”

“Why?”

“Because…” I return my cheek to my pillow, wanting my bed to swallow me whole.

Cairo gently pulls at a few strands of hair, tucking them behind my ear when he says, “You can do anything. You took on Torin and me on that street. You’ve taken his bullshit and?—”

“Stopmentioning him.”

“Why?” he says again. “Because it hurts?”

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