Page 63 of Burn for Me

“You should’ve just chosen the fucking cell!” He nearly yells. I struggle against the pain in my chest. My skin feels hot, and my hands shake as he walks away again.

“Stop!” I shout, wanting to say: Listen to me. Trust me.Love me.But I can’t, not when he darts his head around searching for our car like he can’t escape me fast enough.

“My family—” My throat tightens with heavy breaths as I finally catch up to him. Opening the passenger door, he grabs my elbow, but I pull away.

“What about my family? Did you think about that? About the people who not only took me in but also you? Did you think about me?” He lunges forward again, his face flushed deep crimson.

“You’re not in those papers for a reason! If you’d just—”

“Say it a few more times, and you might start believing your lies, Darlin’. I’m not in those papers because I never gave you the chance to know me!” He snaps, leaving me motionless. I can feel the stares of passersby burning through my clothes, and a bead of sweat begins to trickle down my spine as an embarrassed heat rises across my skin.

“Don’t cut me off,” I say slowly, drawing in a breath to try and regain my composure.

“Oh, so now you want to talk? Where has that big girl voice been this whole time?” He taunts while stepping forward, and I straighten my shoulders.

“I was going to talk to you about it last night, but you…” I trail off, flattening my hands on my skirt.

“You caught me off guard with the marriage thing. If you could just let me explain, I can fix this.” I say softer this time as I try to close the distance between us.

“No,I'llfix it.” he scoffs, and for a moment, I catch a flicker of emotion on his face.

“It's my fault anyway. Isn’t that what you’re implying?” His breathing becomes ragged as he slams his hand into the side of the car, causing me to flinch. I’m trying to understand if this is how he feels when he’s overstimulated—if the buzzing sensation on my skin is what makes him snap. Is the ringing in my ears from all the unnecessary noises around us what has him gripping his hair?

“I thought I had something worth holding onto—I had my reason. I believed you might feel the same way, but it's my fault for thinking you weren't just messing with my head.” Drawing a deep breath, he rubs his hand over the vehicle as if afraid he has hurt the inanimate object. I want to wrap my arms around him and hold him close. I wish I could take away everything I've caused and just ease him back to the man he was last night. But at the same time, I want all of his flaws because I know how much good lies beneath.

“I’ll fix it just like I always do,” he says more quietly this time. His glare narrows in my direction as he seems to register my silence.

“No words now? You’re done trying to talk? Bloody hell. You…” he trails off, and his features go blank again as if he didn’t reveal every emotion he claims he doesn’t have.

It's common for people to say things they don’t mean when they're triggered or flustered, so I'm trying to put myself in his shoes. However, when I open my mouth to ease the situation and explain that I was only trying to give him his moment to speak—even though he won’t allow me mine—he says the one sentence that shatters whatever semblance of composure I had left: “You're just like everyone else.”

Twenty-Two

9-2-2024

Did I lose control on the one person I want to protect?

-Sam

I knew it.

“Sam, wait—you have to understand,” Jasmine yells as I grab her by the arm, toss her into the passenger seat, and throw the notebook with the file into her lap. Not Jasmine…Melione.

Goddamn it, I opened up about the darkest parts of myself, hoping she could help me through them, but she faded into the shadows, and now I can't find her—the woman I fell for.The mirrors tremble as I slam my door, and her soft cries echo through the interior while she hurriedly pushes the papers to the floor. I need to calm down, but it’s hard with each sniffle, knowing I'm the reason for her tears. I can't help it, though. She keeps pushing when all I need is...

My phone vibrates, pulling me deeper into my downward spiral, so I jab the button on the car dashboard to answer through Bluetooth.

“What?!” I snap.

“Where have you two been all day?”Caspian barks.

“We went out,” I reply tersely, glancing over at her trembling shoulders and now distraught outfit from my efforts to get her into the car. There’s too much happening, and too many emotions collide and clash, contradicting each other in my head. I huff and throw the car into reverse, speeding away.

“There's been a complication.” I grit out through clenched teeth, trying to focus on the sound of the wheels spinning.

“Is everyone okay? I mean, is it going to affect the mission?”Sharkie interjects. Her calm tone suggests she’s panicking.

“Everything will be fine,” I murmur, gripping the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles turn white as if I’m desperately trying to strangle the leather.

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