Page 91 of Veil of Shadows

His throat rolled in a swallow, and he buried his nose in my hair. “It is. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that, but I was still trying to do what I thought was best for you, and keeping you away from me and in the dark about my true identity was safer for you.”

I lifted my shoulders. “I never held it against you, the way you acted that morning.”

“I know you didn’t. And that only made me feel like an even bigger arsehole.”

“But what are we going to do now?” I asked quietly.

Slowly, he lifted his head, and that wild blue light shone in his eyes again. “I don’t know. I tried once to let you go. I was going to free you after my calling even though I knew you were my mate. It would have been the smartest thing to do, thebestthing, considering I’m the Dark Raider, and even being associated with me puts you at risk. But when you found out who I was, even though I felt terrified for what your future held, I also felt...relief. I wanted you to stay. I wanted to have you with me always. And after you found out, I had an excuse to keep you near.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, so many things aligning as he bared his soul. The way I’d also felt broken at the thought of leaving him behind now made sense. Or the fear he’d spoken of. I remembered seeing him look that way, but at the time I didn’t understand why.

He took a deep breath. “But the most important thing to me right now is how you’re feeling. Are you angry with me? Since you didn’t fully understand what rutting meant?”

My shoulders sagged, yet I kept my arms looped around him. “Angry? I don’t know. I don’t think it’s fully hit me yet what’s happened between us. Stars, I’m still not sure I fullyunderstandall of the implications, but being connected to you—” I laid a hand on his cheek. Stubble met my palm when he pushed himself more into my touch. My insides tightened. Even that simple caress seemed to soothe him. “Even before your mark, I felt connected to you, Jax. You took me from a male who spent his life abusing me. You tried to free me in every way your ability allowed. You protected me when others couldn’t or wouldn’t. You made me feel—” I cut myself off and swallowed the thick lump that suddenly formed in my throat.

Intensity smoldered in his gaze, and he dipped his forehead toward mine. “Yes? What have I made you feel?”

Tears sprouted in my eyes, and against my better judgment, I choked out, “Loved. You make me feelloved, Jax, and that’s something I’ve never truly felt from anyone.”

His aura abruptly spiraled through the room, coating the walls, soaking into the towels, and bathing me in its richness. His chest heaved. “It’s because Idolove you, Elowen.”

A stab of disbelief nearly cracked me in two. “But...why? Is it just because we’re fated?”

He kissed my eyes, brushing away each escaped tear, then trailed his mouth across my cheeks, pressing soft kisses along my skin. His touches were gentle. Reverent. Solidifying.

“It’s not just because you’re my mate. But because you’reyou. You’re brave, resilient, kind, beautiful. You’re everything I could have ever wanted in a mate and more. And just because something in you calls to me, that’s not the entire reason I want you. I can’t explain it, Elowen. It’s a feeling I have when I’m around you. An instinct. A need to be with you. To hold you, protect you, love you. It feels like I can’t exist anymore without you.”

“Even though I’m a slave?”

He growled. “You’re not a slave. You’llneverbe a slave again, and someday, you will see that you’re worthy of everything in this life. I know you doubt yourself, that you have insecurities, but you are worthy of every goodness that comes to you, Elowen.You are.”

I shuddered when his lips met my throat. “You truly believe that?”

“Of course I do. I only wish you did as well.”

My heart thumped, but instead of plaguing self-doubt thoughts creeping into my mind, they stayed at bay. Instead, atentative bridge grew in my chest, connecting me to a new sense of confidence. Maybe Jax was right. Maybe I was worthy.

“How did you first know I was your mate?” I asked quietly.

A wry smile tugged at his lips. “All shifter males are taught from boyhood what happens when they meet their mate. Like other male fae, shifter males usually recognize the bond first, before the female. It’s a feeling. A sense deep within us that grows the more we’re in our mate’s presence. I felt it with you from that first morning you awoke in my tent and had even gotten inklings of it from the weeks leading up to us taking you, when I’d been watching you from afar. But I didn’t know for certain until we were in the Ustilly Mountains, and I felt the absolute rage and need to murder Lordling Neeble and his guards for what they’d done to you. The feeling overtook me completely.” He paused. “I’ve never felt the absolute need for vengeance as I did when I saw him abusing you on that domal. It’s why I was particularly brutal with him. I don’t usually carve up fae like that.”

A chill ran through me when that horrific night reared, and the lethal brutality that Jax had shown Lordling Neeble punched through my mind.

“Yet all along,” Jax continued, “I’d known something about you was different. Special. And since being with you, getting to know you more, that feeling has only grown. I’ve barely been able to stand it. Being around you and not being able to touch you, when all I’ve wanted to do is hold you, consume you, fuck you,loveyou,” he added on a low growl. “And when Alec kept flirting with you on that fucking ship, I could have...”

I laughed lightly. “He did that on purpose, you know.”

He rolled his eyes. “I know. He told me the other day. He even apologized for it.” His gaze bore into mine, and he cupped my cheek, brushing his thumb over my skin. “Suffice to say,you’remine, Elowen. And I’m never going to let you go as long as you want to stay at my side.”

Something in me shattered at his raw declaration. It was real. Heartfelt.True. Everything he’d just shared had come from the depths of his soul. I knew that as truly as I knew the sky was green.

Before I knew what I was doing, my arms were around him, and I was tangled in his embrace, feverishly kissing him.

He hauled me to him and kissed me just as fast.

Loved. Jax loved me. Nobody had ever loved me, not really. Yet with Jax, Ifeltit. Every word he’d spoken had called to something inside me, an ancient bond, a fated link. If anyone else had said to me what Jax just had, every insecurity I’d ever felt would probably have come rearing back. But not with Jax. Not after feeling this.

He seemed to know the second I fully accepted our bonding. His aura swelled, and a fierce tide of his magic consumed me.

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