Page 138 of Queen of the Crimson Throne

“I am not taking advantage of him!” At least I didn’t think I was. Was that what I was doing?

“You know he would do anything for you and you take advantage of him. You’re playing with his feelings, Lennox.”

“I—” My entire body deflated. Everyone was telling me a different version of the same story.

“He loves you, Lennox. You know that, even if you refuse to admit it. He loves you so much he’s willing to sacrifice his own happiness for you. He’s not someone you fall into bed with Lennox. If you need a good fuck so bad, go find someone in the tavern for all I care. But you can’t fuck Luka if you’re not going to go all in with him.”

“I’m not fucking him!”

“You’re not now, but tell me you haven’t been thinking about it? Especially if you were kissing him.”

“I—” I couldn’tlie to my sister.

Kara’s face softened. “Len, I know you love being independent. That you don’t like to rely on others. I know you think you don’t want him, that you don’t need him. But Lennox—that’s the biggest fucking lie I’ve ever heard. You want him. You’ve been a miserable person the past few months without him. You want him Lennox, whether you want to admit it or not. You and Luka are so intertwined—even you can’t separate yourself from him.”

Was she right? No matter how hard I tried to get Luka out of my life I never could. And I didn’t try very hard to remove him from my life did I? What had Astria said? That I needed to accept that what lay in front of me might be what I wanted all along. And Luka was right earlier, I didn’t want to think about my feelings from last night. The lengths I would go for him—it was fucking terrifying, so I tried to ignore it. I tried to ignore the hollow ache in my chest that formed when we were apart, the fear that took over my body when he was taken, and the spark he brought back into my life.

“Len, have you ever considered he might be your mate?”

I froze, slowly turning toward my sister. “You’re not serious? Luka is not my mate. There’s no way. That’s insane. He’s not my mate.”

I would know if Luka was my mate. I would have known the first day I saw him. Or I would have had some inkling since. That’s what all the stories about people finding their mates say.

“Is it that far out of the realm of possibility? Think about it, Lennox. You both have had this pull towards one another since the first day you met. You can’t resist each other. You tried to stay away from each other, but you can’t.”

“Maybe we can’t stay away from one another, but that doesn’t make us mates, Kara. We’re fated together for something else—that’s what Hecate and Astria implied. Not that we’re mates.”

“Maybe you are mates, but they could never tell you. Maybe that’s the future they keep hinting at.”

“No,” I grit out. “Stop trying to make the future what you want it to be. You’re trying to put thoughts into my mind.”

“You need to stop resisting Lennox!”

“I’m not resisting! I’m being rational! Astria’s tits Kara, you’re infuriating.”

“I’m the infuriating one? Lennox, you’re the definition of infuriating.” She let out a hollow laugh. “You know what Lennox? I’m tired of keeping my thoughts to myself. I think you love him. I think you love him and that terrifies you because that means he can hurt you. Do you know how tiring it is to watch you and Luka resist each other over and over again? Especially since we witnessed for a short period of time what it was like when you were together? You two were magnetic Lennox. I‘ve never seen anything like it. The way you lit up around him—you still do sometimes. I never thought I’d get to see you happy again after Mom, Dad, and Nol died, but I did, and Lennox?—”

Tears welled in her eyes. “Seeing you happy again made all the pain and heartache of the past three years worth it. Everything you put yourself through had a purpose—that you would meet Luka.” She wiped away a tear that fell from her eye.

“You need to decide Lennox. You either need to leave Luka for good, or be with him.”

“I can’t leave him, Kara. We’re getting married,” I said softly.

“So either be clear with him and set expectations that nothing can happen between you two or tell him you love him and be with him.”

“It’s not that easy, Kara.”

“But isn’t it?” she said exasperated.

“Goddess, Lennox, you‘re so stubborn.” She stood and headed towards the door.

“I’ll give you some time to think. But you need to make a decision, Lennox. You’re getting married at the week’s end.”

“You think I don’t know that,” I said softly.

“Don’t be mad at me, you got yourself into this mess, Len.”

My sister was so much like my mother. I know she’d be telling me the same thing. I know she’d be disappointed in my decisions too—the way I had handled things with Luka. But it wasn’t that simple. I was tied to Luka for the rest of my life. Everyone else made it seem like this was such an easy decision to make.

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