Page 174 of Queen of the Crimson Throne

I could feel the panic clawing up my chest. Tears clouded my vision as I made my way to my room. I needed to get to my room.

“Lennox.” Someone called but I ignored it. I needed my room. I needed to be alone. No one could see me break down.

The door of my office came into view and I bounded towards it. When I closed the door behind me I was met with resistance. I pushed again, but the door pushed back until Luka emerged.

He looked at me with such a soft expression, causing the last tether of my restraint to snap.

“She was just a girl,” I rasped, tears clouded the edge of my vision.

“I know.” He wrapped me in his arms. “But you did the right thing—that was what she wanted.”

“I know, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Oriza, and the people who died at the wedding yesterday—I feel those losses on my soul.” I let their faces filter through my mind. I knew their deaths weren’t my fault—but I had a hard time believing it. I was their High Queen, I should have protected them. I should have done better.

“We’ll get through this.” Luka held me until my breaths evened out again—my heart beating in time with his as I tried to reconcile my thoughts.

“I love you.”

“I—”

“I know.”

“Until the stars turn to dust.” I should say it. Tell him I loved him—but I couldn’t get my lips to form the words. I wasn’t ready yet.Soon.Soon I could tell him how I felt. Even if he already knew—I wanted him to hear those words.

But not right now.

Not after I had taken the life of a young female.

Not when my hands were stained with Oriza’s blood.

Not when people were dying on my watch left and right.

Later.

I would tell him I loved him later.

Luka held me until I was ready to face everyone again.

He wiped away my tears and helped me clean Orizia’s blood from my body.

I took one more deep breath before I let Luka lead me from the room.

We found everyone in the sitting room, chatting idly with plates filled with meats, cheeses, and bread littered on the table between them. Luka and I settled on the couch, I popped a piece of cheese in my mouth before leaning back, my eyes scanning the room.

“Where’s Kara?”

They all shrugged.

“I haven’t seen her yet today,” Luce remarked.

“Neither have I,” Nico pinched a piece of meat between his fingers.

A seed of panic took root in my chest. I took a deep breath to quell it. “Has anyone seen her today?”

Everyone shook their heads.

The seed of panic grew.

Declan stood from where he leaned against the wall near the window. “No one has seen her today?”

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