Page 20 of Queen of the Crimson Throne

“What are you talking about, Kara?”

Her face softened. “You’re giving up on her.” Her voice was low and thick with emotion.

“I’m not giving up on her.”

“That’s what it looks like to me.” She sat on the arm of one of the chairs, her anger was quickly dissipating, giving way to defeat instead as her shoulders dropped. “I had been counting down the days until Lennox returned to you because I knew you were the only person who could coax her back to life.”

“Kara—what do you mean? I’m the reason she detonated in the first place.”

There was a pleading tone to Kara’s voice now, “You don’t know what she’s been like these past weeks. She’s been so angry. Keeping things from me. She hardly talks to me.” Kara’s entire body deflated as she let out a shuddering breath. Kara and Lennox hadn’t been talking? For how long? Why? Kara and Lennox hardly fought, and if they did it didn’t last long.

“I’ve tried pushing her, but it doesn’t work, not from me. I can’t take her anger anymore. I hate making her mad, and she’s been mad at me for weeks now. She needs you to push her. You‘re the only one who can.” Kara looked at me, her eyes wideand glassy. Was I the reason there was conflict between Lennox and Kara?

“Everything fell apart because Lennox felt guilty for spending time with you instead of preparing for an attack she never could have anticipated. And you broke her trust. But that’s only a small part of the problem. Her guilt is the main problem, and her fear of trying again.” Kara ran her fingers up and down the arm of the chair.

“Maybe you don’t think you‘re meant for my sister, but only you can restore her hope for the future again.”

I shook my head as I took the seat across from Kara. “You don’t understand. I broke her.”

“Luka, those months you spent with us in Alethens, I got my sister back. You breathed life back into her. When you left she retreated back into herself, but not the sad version she was before she met you. I feel like she’s turned off all emotions except anger now. It hurts me to see her like this. Almost more than it did before because I got a glimpse of who she could be again. You didn’t break my sister, she was already broken. But, you’re the only person who can put her back together. What happened that day in Alethens was a bump in the journey. A roadblock in yours and Lennox’s life.”

Kara didn’t know what she was talking about. She didn’t know everything that had transpired between me and Lennox.

“All these weeks I’ve been counting on you resolving the issues between you and Lennox once she got here,” she continued. “So imagine my surprise when I arrive here, expecting my sister to have started healing again, only to learn you’ve been avoiding her.”

“Kara, she commanded me to leave that day. She threatened me with treason if I didn’t leave her. If she didn’t despise me when we met, she certainly despises me now.”

“She was hurting. You know she didn’t mean it.” I rubbed my hand over my throat, over the phantom touch of Lennox’s steel blade against my skin.

“It sure felt like she meant it. There’s a lot you don’t know, Kara,” I said softly.

“Luka,” she begged. “You can’t give up on her. You can give her time, but don’t give her space. She’s had too much space already. I need you to be there for her. Don’t give up on her.Please.” Her pleading tone was so similar to Lennox’s, it tugged at the loose threads in my chest.

Her words echoed through the empty part of my heart, the part that had belonged to Lennox and had been ripped out that day in the training center. Her words lit one of the remaining embers, causing the others to stir.

“I could never give up on her, Kara. You know that. No matter how hard I might try. I—I feel strongly for your sister. I probably always will, even if she never feels the same way.” Those embers continued to stir to life inside me.

“I’ve been trying to find a way out of this arranged marriage. For her.”

“Include her in it. Let her be a part of everything you do. She needs you, Luka.”

Maybe part of me had been trying to protect myself from getting hurt again. Maybe that’s why I had kept myself from her. Not only did I want to protect Lennox from getting hurt again, but I was unconsciously trying to protect myself. I knew if I spent time with her again it would do nothing but fuel my feelings for her.

It would give her another opportunity to leave me again.

But Hecate said Lennox and I were tied together. There would be no ridding one another from our perspective lives.

I had hoped that meant there was a future for us where we were more than friends, but maybe that was all we were meant to be. Friends.

I would break my heart over and over again if it meant I got to stand by Lennox’s side, even if it was only as her friend.

I’d watch her fall in love with someone else if that’s what made her happy.

I’d watch her marry someone else if it meant she got to pick them for herself.

I’d help heal her heart even if it meant breaking mine.

I wiped my palms on my trousers as I tried to steady my raging pulse. I was standing outside Lennox’s door, trying to work up the nerve to knock.

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