Page 50 of Queen of the Crimson Throne

But why? What did I do?

I knew I wouldn’t sleep without talking to him again, without sorting this all out. I had hurt him enough as it was—I didn’t know what I had done tonight but I needed to rectify it.

It took him a while before he answered the door—he took two steps back, his eyes going wide before narrowing as he took me in.

“What are you doing here?” His eyes roamed over my body, making me remember I was wearing a nightgown that left little to the imagination.

I crossed my arms over my chest, trying and failing to hide my chest from his wandering gaze. He took a sip of the liquid from the glass resting lazily in his hand. It was most likely the same one we had drunk with Caspian a few short hours ago. “Come in, won’t you.” His voice was slightly slurred, his movements sluggish as he moved, allowing me space to enter into the room.

He didn’t look back at me as he headed toward the seating area in the center of the room, allowing me to take in the space.

The room was tidy overall, the bed was unmade, but everything else appeared to have been returned to its place, with the exception of the books. Books were stacked haphazardly in piles everywhere. On the bedside table, on the coffee table, the floor.There were so many books in the room it resembled more of a library than a bedroom.

“Care for a drink?” Luka filled his own glass from a bar cart stacked with bottles in the sitting area.

“Sure.” I sat hesitantly on the couch across from him as he handed me a glass.

We sat silently sipping on our drinks, it was in fact Caspian’s families’. My eyes wandered over Luka’s body as he sat lounging lazily on the couch, his fingers tracing the rim of his glass. He hadn’t changed out of his clothes from the ball, but he had unbuttoned his shirt, leaving his toned stomach on display. I couldn’t keep my eyes from roaming to his exposed skin. I remembered how those muscles felt under my fingertips, every hard ridge and plane?—

“Why are you here, Lennox?” Luka’s voice stirred me from my wandering thoughts. His voice sounded defeated as he continued to stare at his glass.

“I couldn’t sleep knowing you were mad at me,” I admitted.

He sighed, sitting up straighter. “I’m not mad at you, Lennox.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you were. I’ve treated you terribly,” I said softly, not bothering to look up.

“You have,” he scoffed.

Silence stretched between us again.

“What did I do to upset you tonight?” My voice came out more strained than I intended. “I thought we were getting along and—I don’t know, you stopped talking to me and wouldn’t even look at me.” As I said the words it set in how much of an impact they had on me. He was one of the few people who truly saw me—every part of me and he didn’t run. But tonight he had.

I didn’t know how to handle him not looking at me.

I had thought that’s what I wanted but now…I wasn’t so sure.

The absence of his gaze left me offkilter.

“You didn’t do anything, Lennox.” He set his empty glass on the table and sat forward, putting his face in his hands. “It’s stupid. I should have known better. I got too caught up in everything. I forgot for a moment tonight was all an act and when you reminded me—fuck I’m so pathetic.” My heart lurched. “You didn’t do anything. When you reminded me it was all an act—it impacted me more than I thought it would.”

“Luka, I?—”

“Please don’t say anything. I told you I didn’t want to talk about it and I meant it. Now can you leave me alone for a night so I can lick my wounds? Alone.Please.” The strain in his voice was enough to set my feet moving towards the door—even though it broke me to leave him like this. He said I didn’t do anything to make him like this, but that’s a lie. I did this. I did all of this.

I had gotten caught up in the night too. When he touched me everything else faded into the distance. Everything between us tonight was real—but my feet continued to walk me towards the door. The pleading tone of his voice and the look in his eyes scalded me, pushing me forward.

I hesitated when I reached the door—daring to look back at him. He hadn’t moved. His face still in his hands.

“It wasn’t all an act,” I whispered, before slipping through the door. Not daring to look back and see his reaction.

I thought he had broken me all those weeks ago—but I had never considered I might have broken him too.

23

LENNOX

Hot tears fell down my face as I tore from Luka’s room and down the hallway. I couldn’t go back to my room. Not knowing he was next door wallowing in the misery I had caused him.

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