Page 56 of Queen of the Crimson Throne

“It does feel that way doesn’t it?”

“If only we could find a way out from under them,” he said softly.

“If only.”

His hand brushed over mine and I let him intertwine our fingers. I had missed the feeling of his rough palms against my own.

“I’m still broken.” The words came out more choked than I intended.

“I know.” All the words he left unsaid—all the words he had spoken to me before reverberated in my mind.

I will take all of you. Even the parts you think are too damaged.

I know you think you’re broken beyond repair, but I don’t think that.

I told myself I wouldn’t let fear get in the way of my happiness—but this, this wasn’t fear. This was something else altogether.

I had let Luka in once and it almost ended me. I couldn’t risk that again.

I could not do that again.

I would either enter into a platonic marriage with Luka or remain alone for the rest of my life if that’s what it took to protect my people.

To protect myself.

No matter what I felt for Luka, I had to keep it to myself.

But friends, maybe we could be friends again.

I had missed him. I had missed his quiet comfort. The way he pushed me. I missed his soft smiles and the feeling of his hand in mine.

If I couldn’t have him as my lover, I could have him as my friend. Right?

Luka and I remained in the garden a while longer. Our hands intertwined as we stared out at the frozen garden until even with Luka’s fire warming me the chill seeped in.

Reluctantly, we headed back inside. I knew I needed tocontinue the conversation we had started with Caterina, but I didn’t know if I was ready for that.

“Lennox.” Caterina stood, concern clear on her face when we reentered the study. The males were gone, only Kara and Luce remained.

“Are you okay?”

“No.” There was no use in lying.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I let her pull me in for a hug.

“It’s not your fault my father and Nol left me in this mess.”

She pulled back from our hug, taking my hands in hers. “Still, you’ve had enough upset in your life, I hate to add to it.”

I gave her a weak smile. “Can I share with you the rest?” She looked towards Luce and Kara. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

“Might as well get it over with.” I sat in the chair, noticing Luka still stood awkwardly in the doorway.

“You can stay,” Caterina said. “If it’s okay with Lennox.”

“Stay, please.”

Luka gave her a tight smile.“Thank you. I can fill in Declan and Nico later if that’s okay.”

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