Page 38 of Irresistible

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Thursday

Standing against the counter, Brock looked out at the gloomy day. It was supposed to rain later, and it looked like Mother Nature was getting ready to let everyone know who was in charge. The heavy gray clouds sat out on the horizon, waiting. Which was what he’d been doing. Waiting for a threat to manifest itself so he could deal with it and eliminate it once and for all. It was a damn tragedy that he hadn’t seen Drew for what he was. All along he’d considered him a nuisance and little more. What a fucking disaster.

When he crawled into bed around two, he gathered Lilly in his arms and held her tightly. There was a war being waged in his head and heart, and he had no idea how to make it end. On one hand, he wanted to bind himself to her and never let her go. On the other, he didn’t know if he could. He’d almost killed a man, and there was no way to make that okay. As much as he thought he’d transitioned into being a civilian, he really hadn’t.

The coffeepot beeped, and he took two mugs out of the cupboard and filled them. Adding cream to one, he stirred it slowly. There was a boiling ball of rage in his gut, and he had no idea how he was going to get rid of it. Seeing Drew brutalize Lilly made him see red, even now.

When he drove up yesterday, the last thing he expected to see was Drew shaking Lilly with all his might. Seeing her fly back from the impact was the most horrific thing he’d ever seen. And having been on the front lines of the war in the Middle East, he’d seen some nasty shit.

Slowly he trudged up the stairs, stepped into the bedroom, and was surprised to see the bed empty. There wasn’t any sound from the bathroom, so he walked down the hall into the office and saw Lilly at her computer. “Coffee,” he called out. When her finger went up, he realized she must be in the middle of a thought. Setting the cup down, he then walked over to the chair by the window and sat. He’d been in here only once when she’d given him a quick tour, and he hadn’t really looked around.

Sitting back in the soft chair, he let his eyes roam over the walls. One was filled with framed copies of her book covers, and another was covered in corkboard. It was divided into sections, and each one had images or quotes, along with notes written on an assortment of papers. Those must be the inspiration boards for the books she was planning. He hadn’t had a chance to talk with her much about her writing, and he was looking forward to hearing more about how her process worked. The books she’d written had impressed the hell out of him. She had the ability to draw a reader in and hold on while she weaved a tale of desire and need, revenge, and sometimes redemption.

Yesterday’s events offered little redemption for anyone. He and Drew had shown the very worst of what they were capable of. They both had embraced wrath and let it rule their choices. He knew better, but he wasn’t sure Drew did.

What happened yesterday was about the worst example of a man driven by self-gratification. Drew had never developed beyond an adolescent, as his desires, wants, and needs drove his actions. It was clear that he never learned morality, control, or really anything about basic human decency.

Watching Lilly’s fingers fly over the keys of her computer made him wonder what she was going to do with this latest experience. Maybe she would turn it into art.

“Got it,” Lilly said. She picked up her cup and grinned. “Thanks for making coffee.”

“I thought we were going to have it in bed. I’m surprised to see you up and at it already.”

Pushing her chair back, she crossed her legs and drank from her cup. “I wanted to write while the feelings were still fresh. I had to get it down before it floated away.”

“Was there a particular it?”

“The feeling of being struck. I’ve never been hit before, and I’ve written about it a hundred times. When he backhanded me and then shook the shit out me, I knew I could use it in my stories.” Running her hand along her cheek, she winced. “I had no idea that fear tasted like metal. Or that my ears would fill up with the sound of my heart beating its way out of my chest.”

“God, Lilly. I never wanted anything like that to happen to you.”

She played with the end of her braid and shrugged. “Can’t say that I did, either. But since it did, I’m going to use the experience and write about it. Nothing compares. I’ve never been close to being involved in a physical altercation. I have no idea how you’ve lived with that your whole life.”

“Testosterone,” he answered succinctly. “Also, the genetic chip that makes women and men inherently different. We are programmed to fight, conquer, and procreate, no matter what anyone says. How each man does that is, of course, different, but those are the underlying forces that govern our actions.”

“It’s that simple?”

“Ultimately…yes. At least, it is for me and eighty percent of the men I know. You can put a soldier next to an artist and they are probably both trying to do the same thing. How it manifests itself is just different.”

“But women are capable of violence, death, and destruction the same way men are. How do you explain that?”

“I’m not suggesting that women are not capable of the things men are. Far from it. I’m saying that the driving forces behind those behaviors are different. It’s the not the how that differentiates men and women. It’s the why.”

“Interesting.” She turned around, grabbed a pad of paper, and started writing.

Watching her with a smile, he realized that something he’d said was interesting to her. At least, he thought that’s what was happening. When she finished, she turned back around. “Spark something?” he asked.

“Yes. It’s an interesting concept and something I want to explore.” Standing, she pulled down her T-shirt and walked over to him. “Thank you.”

He set his coffee down and opened his arms. She crawled into his lap and shivered. Pulling the blanket off the ottoman, he covered her legs and then held her tightly. “Better?”

“Yes.” She buried her face in his neck and hugged him back. “How much trouble are you in?”

“A lot. I used excessive force, and there’s no way it’s going unpunished.”

“He deserved it. There’s not a man alive who would let Drew’s actions stand without consequence. You ultimately made the right choice.”

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