Page 35 of Thrust into the Light

I don’t know how to say what I want to. I look for Connor and touch my head. He nods at me.I like it. It felt like she was singing about how you all make me feel. I don’t know how to say those words to him, though.Connor smiles at me. He comes over and gives me a big hug and I feel his hot breath on the top of my head.

“Turn it back on man, those were happy tears. She really liked the song. She said it was like she was singing about how she feels about us.”

Rhi looks up at me, and the smile makes his entire face light up. He starts the song again and I close my eyes and just listen to it. I feel warmth on me and open my eyes. My body is moving and Rhi has his hands on me. He is holding my sides and is moving with me.

“Close your eyes gorgeous and just feel and listen.” I close my eyes and just listen to the words. Is this what happiness feels like? My heart feels like it could explode with how full it feels.

“Alright, my turn,” Connor says. He sets his phone down and Rhi walks over and stops his music. Connor comes over to me and grabs my hands. “This time, I want you to keep your eyes open. Listen to the music and let me lead you. Don’t fight, just let your body move the way I try to direct it.” He looks over to Rhi and nods his head. The song starts and Connor starts moving me around. The song makes me laugh because he said almost the same thing to me. He spins me around the room, and I can’t stop laughing. I like this song too. The song is over too soon and I amstill laughing.

“I like that one too.” Connor and Rhi are just staring at me. They both look as happy as I feel.

“Let me see her phone, Connor. I’m going to add some music to her phone for her, and we can show her later how to add more music to it that she hears and likes. I also still need to add my number to her phone.”

Connor nods and gets my phone from my bag. He hands it to Rhi. “Don’t forget you need to add a picture to it so she knows who it is when the notification pops up.” Rhi nods at him as he spends some time typing on the phone. He looks at me and smiles. Rhi walks over to me and picks me up. He holds my phone out away from him and then presses a button on it. There is a very bright flash, and it hurts my eyes, but it’s over fast. I blink my eyes a lot to try to clear the bright light.

“Sorry, I should have warned you. But I wanted the picture I added to your phone of both of us. Here look, if I message you or call you, you’ll see both of us. Look how happy you look, gorgeous.”

I look at what he is showing me on my phone. The darkness in his eyes doesn’t swirl on the phone. I look over at him and they are still swirling. I don’t understand. I still look at it. I don’t like how I look at it. He is so nice to look at, and I don’t look nice.

“Hey, I wish you could see what I do when I look at you, Farlen. I don’t see your scars, I don’t see your pain, and all I see is the you that is under all of that gorgeous. The things on the outside that the rest of the world sees? I don’t see that. I see your strength in you for surviving all you have been through. I see your beauty that only your matches can see. Fuck what everyone else thinks beautiful. They don’t matter. What matters is what I feel right here in my heart, and what you feel in your heart. Does what you feel in your heart make you sad?” I shake my head at him, it makes me feel happy. “Then the rest of it doesn’t matter.” He gives me a hug and sets me down. Connor comes over and picks me up in a big hug, too.

“Zachariah put it perfectly, Farlen. Don’t worry about whatyou see when you look at yourself. We don’t see that. You are perfect as you are, sweet girl.” “I know your scars make you uncomfortable, especially when people stare at you, but remember, each one of those scars shows just how strong you are. If anyone even felt a bit of the pain you did, they wouldn’t have survived it because they aren’t as strong as you are.”

“Farlen, I want to kiss you so bad right now. Would that be okay, sweet girl?” I don’t know what a kiss is, but the one song talked about it, making her feel like she could fly. I nod to him. Connor leans forward and presses his lips to mine. My stomach feels funny again, and my heart feels even fuller as he pulls away from me.

“Was that okay, sweet girl?” I smile at him and nod at him. It was nice. They take turns picking songs and spinning me around the room. Some songs make me feel sad, other songs make me feel so happy. There are some songs that I don’t know how to describe how they make me feel. I start to get really tired.

“Think you can eat something before sleeping?”

“Yes, I’m hungry.”

“Alright, well, why don’t you go get changed into some sleep clothes? We will figure something out for you to eat.” I go back to my room and look in my closet for my sleep clothes. I remember Connor saying something about them before, but I don’t think I ever put them on. I know he isn’t talking about the nighttime activities clothes. Those seem to hurt him when I put them on. I sit down on my bed with some clothes I think Connor said are for sleeping in. I try one of them on and it doesn’t make me itchy. It leaves the top of my back naked. I look down to see if I need pants or short pants on, but it falls down to the floor around my feet. I go back and put the other sleep clothes up.

When I go back to the big table room, I sit down. Connor and Rhi aren’t here. I hear noises coming from the kitchen, so they must be in there again. I stand up and walk over to the door, but it opens before I can get to it and Connor pokes his head through the opening.

“Nope, no peeking. Go sit down. You’ll have something toeat soon.” His head is still sticking out through the door, and I walk back to the table. I hear Connor and Rhi whispering in the kitchen. I try to listen to what they are saying, but the noise of them both in there makes it hard to hear. I do hear Rhi say “WHAT” loudly, but he doesn’t sound mad. There is more whispering and then it stops. Connor opens the door and pokes his head through it again.

“Just a few more minutes, sweet girl! Remember, no peeking, just stay sitting right there.” I don’t know how much longer I can stay awake. My eyes are getting super heavy. Connor holds the door open and Rhi is holding two plates high up, so I can’t see what is on them. Connor walks around the table and sits across from me. Rhi stands behind me and bends over me and puts a plate down in front of me. It looks like toast. I don’t want toast. It’s better than just normal bread, but it makes my stomach hurt thinking about all the food I was never given.

Connor picks up one of the toast that Rhi put in the middle of the table and takes a bite out of it. “Come on and try it, Farlen. You might like it.” I push the toast around on my plate. I pick it up and try a bite of it. It isn’t just toast, it has cheese in it. I like cheese toast better than normal toast. Rhi sits down next to me and puts his arm behind me. I look over at him and he smiles at me. He doesn’t have any food. I look at my plate and all the cheese toast in the middle of the table and grab one and hand it to him. He shakes his head and pushes it back towards me.

“I’m not hungry right now, but you eat as much of it as you want.” I pick up the cheese toast he didn’t want and eat it. I feel the heat from Rhi’s hand on my naked top back. The heat keeps moving in a small circle on my back. I look over at him and he smiles at me. I look over at Connor and he smiles, too. I eat more cheese toast. I am about to take another bite when I feel heat and something else on my back. I don’t know what it was, but it was soft. I stop with the cheese toast almost to my mouth. What was that? I don’t feel it again, just the heat from Rhi’s hand. I begin to move the cheese toast to my mouth again, and I feel it. I stop and look over at Rhi.

“Could you feel that gorgeous?”

“What was that?”

I feel it again, the softness and warmth. I look over at him. His throat moves strangely, like he is drinking something, but there’s no cup. He does it again, and this time I can feel more than one soft thing. He still isn’t saying anything. I look over to Connor and he is watching what Rhi is doing. Rhi stands up, and the heat and softness go away. I look back to Connor and he is smiling at Rhi. I go to look back at Rhi, but Connor makes a strange noise and I look at him again. I feel more heat in that same spot on my back, and then something even softer touches me there. I don’t know the word for the sound that comes from my throat. But my stomach feels more than funny. It is like everything in there is pulled tight. I feel it again, but this time it’s a little wet. I make the noise again and turn around fast. Rhi is standing behind me, bent over. His face is almost where my back was.

“I don’t understand. What was that?”

“There is a small area on your back that no longer has scars. Connor noticed it earlier when you went to sit back down at the table. We weren’t sure if you’d be able to feel anything. So I wanted to see if you could feel me touching you. Or if you could feel my lips on your skin. Judging by how you are acting, you could feel it, couldn’t you?”

“How?” I can’t stop my eyes from crying. I can feel Rhi. Can I feel Connor too? I look over at him and he stands up and walks behind me. I can feel the warmth from his hand on my naked back. Then I feel the softness again. It differs from the other two, but it still feels nice. I feel something even softer this time, and I can’t stop what my body does. My head falls backwards and a very strange noise leaves my mouth. That strange feeling now feels more like it’s pulsing. Rhi is staring at me. The dark part of his eyes is a lot bigger than it usually is.

“I am not sure how it has happened, but I am calling it a gift from the Gods. There is at least one part of your body we can touch and you can feel. Connor says that there were just as manyscars there before, but now, nothing.”

I smile at him and Connor stands up; he turns around fast and then turns back to me. He smiles at me, too. Connor picks me up, and I feel the heat from his hand move around until he finds that spot I can feel, and suddenly I can feel his entire hand on me. I smile up at him, and the dark part of his eyes is big too.

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