Page 5 of Thrust into the Light

“Open your eyes, sweetheart.”

That really sounded like Connor. Must be a leftover from dreaming of his eyes. And of him telling me I’m beautiful. I’m not ready to face a world where people do evil, mean things tome. I just want to stay here in my blanket and dream of Connor and his eyes. And his voice. I wonder if my dreams will let me dream of what it feels like to get a hug from him.

I feel myself being squeezed and my eyes fly open to find that Connor is lying next to me on the bed. He has an arm around me, and head is laying on his chest.

“There you are, sweetheart. I hope that hug felt like everything you hoped it would be.”

His eye did a weird blink, but only one of them, and for longer than a normal blink. Like he shut it on purpose and then opened it again. I wonder if the glass in the metal on his face is bothering him. His chest does a weird rumbling thing for a little while, then it stops.

“No, my glasses aren’t bothering me. The metal things on my face with the glass in it are called glasses, and they help me see things better. Have you never seen anyone with glasses before?”

I try to think if I have, though most of my life before I came to HIM is hard to remember. There has been so much pain in my life since HE took me in. Some things I remember like the lady with the black spot on her face and the coat she put me in. I don’t remember the snow she was talking about, though. I shake my head at him because I don’t know if I have or not.Wait, why is he in the bed with me? Did Agnes let him in here? Is he going to hurt me? There’s no one else in here now. What’s stopping him? Why does he look so sad now?

He slowly slides me off of him and stands up from my bed.

“Sorry sweetheart, you called out to me in your sleep and when I came to check on you, you grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go so I sat down on your bed and you started to shiver so I wrapped you up and held you till you stopped shivering, by that point you were pretty much laying on top of me and I didn’t want to wake you while you slept. So I just laid there with you. Agnes does know I’m in here. She heard you call out to me as well. And I would never hurt you, which is why I look sad. I hope that one day I can earn your trust, and I will protect you from anyone who wants to hurt you.”

OH YEAH, he can read my mind, which is still pretty strange, but really, what do I know of the world? Maybe there are a lot of people who can do that, and I’m the strange one not being able to do that. I look at him and think really hard at him,what do you mean by “protect”?

He grabs a chair and scoots it close to the bed, but not too close, far enough away for me to see him if he tries to hurt me.

“It means that if anyone tries to hurt you, or cause you more pain, aside from the doctors doing tests or things of that nature, I will stop them, and make sure you aren’t the one to take the pain, either I will take it or stop them altogether.”

I won’t have to be cut into with a knife again? I won’t have to feel the flames on my skin or feel like my bones are being sawed into? Why does his face look a little pale? He was looking okay just before I started thinking about that. Now he looks all white. I think my skin is still whiter, but his face went pretty close to the color of my skin.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, what you were thinking took me by surprise. I was a little shocked is all. Why don’t you think to me about yourself, since you still seem afraid to talk? How old are you? What is your name? What are some of your favorite things?”

I, uh, don’t actually know how old I am, though. How am I supposed to tell him or anyone that? Unsure of how long HE had me. I don’t know how long I was in the dark. I stopped trying to count the sunrise a long time ago. Long before my boobs grew in. The only thing I remember being called for a long time is stupid bitch, but I don’t think that is my name. The other houses I used to live in before HIM called me other things, but I don’t remember what it was. I don’t know what a favorite thing is.

“Sweetheart, I’m going to go talk to Agnes for a few minutes, see if she has figured out anything, and find out what is taking so long with my match results. Are you hungry? I will ask them about some breakfast. Do you have anything you’d prefer? I will be back in a little while, so long as you’ll allow me back in. And don’t worry, we will get everything figured out, even if you can’tever remember what the other houses you lived in called you.”

He stands up and slowly walks to the door as I think about breakfast? I’m not sure I know what that is, though it sounds familiar. I am not really hungry though. There was so much food yesterday! I wouldn’t mind if he came back in. He hasn’t hurt me yet, though I am still afraid he might try. What if he is just trying to get me to be okay with him before he does something to me?

As the door closes behind him as he leaves, I need to pee. I remember Agnes saying something about a restroom. Is it a room you rest in? Where do I go at? There are no buckets in here for me to use. I walk around the room looking for a bucket. There are lots of strange things in here but no bucket. There are two doors, though, one Connor walked out of and we went on our walk yesterday. I go over to the other door I haven’t been in and look inside.

It’s a small room with white squares on the floor and walls. There is a weird blanket hanging from a rod across part of it. There is a small bowl with metal above it and two metal handles, but it is really high up off the floor. That would be hard for me to use. There is also a big bowl sitting near the floor with water in it. Is that where I get my water from? How does it fill up? I don’t remember Agnes coming in from here with my water; she brought it in from the other door.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t really want to pee in my water. There is nowhere else that I can go, though. I can’t reach the smaller bowl that is up high. Agnes said something about if I needed something to say help, I think?

“Help?” I whisper.

It must have worked because I hear lots of footsteps coming this way quickly, or someone is super sick.

“Connor, you need to stay out in the hallway for right now. Let me see what the problem is.” I hear Agnes say. Then there is a noise on the restroom door and I jump back. It sounded like someone hit the door a few times. It wasn’t loud, but why would someone try to hurt the door?

“Honey, it’s Agnes. I’m going to come in to check on you.” Thedoor slowly opens and Agnes comes inside the room I’m in.

“Alright Honey, what did you need help with? Did you fall down? Are you hurt?”

I am going to have to try to talk again and I don’t know what is worse, having to try to get my mouth to form the words, or waiting for my punishment for doing so.

“I I I I ddddon’t have a bucket.” My tongue feels heavy and my mouth really doesn’t want to move.

“A bucket Honey? What did you need a bucket for?”

“Pee.” Why was that so hard for me to say? Maybe it would be easier to talk and move my mouth more to build up its strength like they are trying to do with my legs. Which were starting to shake by now. Agnes looks like she is going to cry again.

“Oh, honey. I am so sorry I didn’t explain more. I just thought you would know. You are in the restroom, where you can relieve yourself. This is the toilet, where you can go. There is a shower behind you and a sink to wash your hands in when you finish using the restroom.”

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