Page 49 of Dr. Attending

“Got it.” I reach for my Red Bull and take a swig, trying to sound casual. “So that was something you were into with your first wife?”

Walker was married before he met Morgan and from what I remember, his ex-wife was his high school sweetheart. It seems unlikely that he became an expert in BDSM—if that’s what he even is—from a single partner. But I truly have no idea how people end up exploring this side of themselves. It’s not something I thought much about . . . until Caroline.

“Hell no.” He huffs and scratches his beard like he’s thinking back on a memory. “And thank-fucking-god because you shouldn’t do that shit with someone you don’t trust. Honestly, itwasn’t anything that I knew I was interested in until I read this stupid romance book Morgan recommended. It opened my eyes to stuff I had probably always been curious about but never had the time—or the right partner—to experiment with. I don’t know how to explain it other than the fact that it just felt right with her.”

“Gotcha,” I say, fiddling with the tab on the top of the can. “So you just . . . went for it?”

Walker grins and shakes his head. “I’m sure she would have preferred that in the beginning because she’s impulsive as fuck. But no. I needed some time to do my own research before we went down that path. And I’m glad that I did because most of her books didn’t really give an accurate representation of the lifestyle. If I had followed their lead, things probably wouldn’t have been safe. Or healthy.”

I nod, feeling myself relax because I wasn’t expecting him to be so candid. Walker is pretty guarded about his personal life, and the only reason I knew that he was into kink was because his wife has no filter and loves to talk about her collar.

“Yeah. Some of the stuff out there is wild, dude. I could live without seeing someone’s asshole get fisted again.”

Walker laughs. “I definitely wouldn’t recommend watching porn if you’re actually interested. I mean, some people are into that stuff, but most of us aren’t. It’s all about communication and limits. I refused to do anything with Morgan until I knew that she was comfortable telling me what she needed.”

I scrub my hand over my face, trying to make sense of everything.

After I overheard Caroline refer to me as vanilla, I started stewing over my previous partners. In the past, I never felt like there was anything missing in my past sex life, but I’m definitely more mainstream compared to our friends. Maybe it’s because I just never explored that side of myself . . . or maybe I’m not cutout for it because my stomach gets this uneasy feeling every time I think about intentionally hurting her.

“So the research you did . . . it helped you figure out that you were into whips and chains and shit?”

Walker studies me for a beat, and I wonder if he knows who I’m thinking about.

“I’ll send you some stuff . . . but no, that’s not really what it’s about for me. Not all dynamics have to look the same.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for example, Morgan’s bratty as fuck and makes me work for her submission. Obviously, I’m into it. But some dominants wouldn’t touch her with a ten-foot pole because they’re more traditional with their style. It doesn’t really matter what your dynamic looks like, though, as long as it works for both you and your partner.”

I frown because I wasn’t expecting that. I assumed everyone into BDSM liked to wear leather, understood obscure rope ties, and enjoyed giving or receiving pain. I didn’t realize that there was so much variation.

Walker reaches into his pocket to pull out his phone. “Let me send you my buddy Worth’s number. He’s pretty active in the community and way more of an expert than I am on this stuff. Pretty sure he even has a podcast on kink education now.”

“Yeah, thanks. That would be great,” I reply, glancing at the clock in the bottom right screen of the computer. “Probably should head out to grab the little man from daycare.”

Walker nods and stands from his chair. I’m sure he recognizes that I’m using my son as an excuse to cut our conversation short, but he isn’t the kind of guy who prods for more information—he minds his business, and I appreciate the hell out of that.

“No problem. Tell my buddy happy early birthday for me. Sure you don’t want to do anything to celebrate?”

“Nah,” I reply, stretching as I get to my feet. “We’re just going to have lunch at the club with my parents because it’s not like he will remember it anyway.”

“Sounds good.”

Walker pauses before he opens my office door, his jaw twitching like he’s uncomfortable.

“If your questions were related to what happened between you and Caroline at the lake . . . speaking from personal experience, I’d suggest that you guys don’t keep it a secret from Parker if it’s going to happen again.”

I blow out a long, hard breath, mentally replaying the words that I heard Caroline say clear as day—it’s never happening again.

Chapter 18

Caroline

A twenty-four-year-old male comes to the emergency room for chest pain ranked 15/10. Vitals, labs, and EKG are within normal limits. He has no significant medical history, and the physical exam was unremarkable. When you inform him that he is fit for discharge, he becomes visibly distressed and states that he is going to die. How should you respond?

A) “We’re all going to die eventually. It’s probably just anxiety.”

B) “Let’s work together to figure out what could be causing you to feel that way.”

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