Page 84 of Dr. Attending

“No—” I interrupt, swallowing to loosen the tight ball in my throat before I continue. “But I can’t be what they need, Cass . . . I’m not a mom.”

I probably shouldn’t be so honest with her, but saying the words out loud makes me feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.I understand that moms don't have to be biological. But surely they feel ready to take on the role, right?

Cassidy laughs and shakes her head. “What makes you think that’s what they need?”

“Uh . . . you guys and your single dad romances,” I joke, even though it’s a ridiculous answer to a sincere question. “Your books always feature a nanny who is great with kids and dreams of being a mom. I’ve never heard of one about an insanely busy medical student with no maternal instinct. And if there is, nobody would read it.”

“I would read it,” she says, shooting me a sly wink. “Because it sounds realistic.”

“Yeah, realistically like a disaster waiting to happen,” I scoff as imaginary reviews flash through my mind.

Two stars—the main female character was cold and unrelatable.

Three stars—Weston deserves better!

“No.” Cassidy rolls her hazel eyes like she has a direct line to my inner thoughts. “Realistic, like a story I’m sure a lot of people can relate to.”

I tug my lips between my teeth and look away because there’s no use arguing with her.

She seems to think that whatever happens between Weston and me will be rainbows and butterflies. And while I appreciate her fairytale mentality, I’m much more of a pragmatist—regardless of feelings, this is a disaster waiting to happen.

What happens when I do my away rotations during fourth year of school? Or if I match into a residency out of the state? There are so many aspects of my career that I have absolutely no control over, and it’s not fair to any of us to form serious attachments if I might have to leave.

“Listen.” Cassidy leans forward, her voice lowering to a soothing level. “One of the things I’ve always admired about Weston is how independent he is. . . kind of like someone else I know.”

She gives me a pointed look that makes me let out a single laugh.

“Weston’s love for you isn’t contingent on whether or not you can help him raise his son—he can do that on his own. Weston’s love for you is based on what the two of you have together.”

I feel my hands wrap around my coffee mug, trying to hide my tremble as she continues, “Do you want to know what Mrs. Southerland and I talked about at brunch this morning?”

I nod, unable to do anything else because the emotion in my throat feels like it’s threatening to cut off my air supply. Hopefully, they discussed holiday place settings, or something equally as frivolous, because I don’t think I can handle another major revelation like love and the future.

“Whenever Weston’s mom and I have met up over the years, we’ve reminisced on the old days. On the memories we made with my brother. On the moments we shared together with him.” Cassidy’s eyes find mine, her expression almost nostalgic. “But today was different . . . because today, for the first time ever, we didn’t look back. We looked ahead. And do you want to know what was at the center of the conversation?”

I shake my head a single time because it seems like the answer is, unfortunately, not going to be about calligraphy trends, and I can’t seem to come up with a witty reply that distracts from the depth of her words.

“Your family,” she says, answering her own question. “And how you’ve healed us.”

“Parker—” I choke out.

“No. You too, Caroline. You too.” She reaches out, wrapping her hands around mine affectionately. “I lost my brother, but Igained two sisters. I hope you know that I love you, and that I’m going to support every decision you make in life. And if one of those decisions includes Wes, it would make me so incredibly happy.”

I swallow harshly as a wave of guilt washes over me. I shouldn’t have doubted her intentions when she’s never given me a reason to.I should have remembered that she’s been through just as much as we have over the past few years.

“For what it’s worth, Cass . . . you’ve healed our family, too.”

Chapter 30

Caroline

Good luck texts

I type the words into my list of things to be happy about and close my phone before walking into the testing center, feeling about as confident as someone going into their first board exam can feel thanks to the friends and family who have encouraged me today.

Some of their messages made me laugh, like the one from Morgan, who sent me a picture of her boobs with the caption, “Crossing my tits for you.” Some of their messages made me cry, like the one from Cassidy, who sent me six paragraphs about why I’m going to make an amazing Doctor. But my favorite message of all was the one from Weston, who wished me luck and said that he would be waiting for me tonight with an assortment of takeout and a bottle of wine.

We’ve only seen each other once since I left his house because it’s been crunch time, but even that one moment felt like enough to keep me going. He surprised me on his way home from work, taking me and Carter out for Jenni’s ice cream. Watching Carter’s tiny face react to the different flavors was absolutely hilarious, and it reminded me that there’s light at the end of this tunnel . . . in eight hours, after I finish this exam.

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