Page 52 of If You Love Me

“Daddy, I’m thirty-five. I’d say I kept that secret a long time.”

He grinned and winked at me before turning to my mother. “The point is, she got up, love.”

My mother tossed a dish towel at him as he headed back down the hall. “Sometimes I don’t like that man.”

“But you love him all the time.”

“I do. That’s my man, and I’m gonna stick beside him.”

I smiled. I envied my parents’ marriage in the best way possible. They’d been together since they were fifteen years old and still just as much in love. I’d never seen them raise their voices at each other or fight. They always spoke to each other with the utmost respect. My father was forever fawning all over her with hugs and kisses, and she would always giggle like a schoolgirl.

They were the couple I modeled my marriage after.

“You hungry, baby?” my mother asked, breaking my thoughts.

“Not really.”

“Evenie, your eating habits have been questionable lately.”

“I just haven’t had much of an appetite, Mom.”

“You’re stressed. I can tell. I could hear you pacing the floor several times last night.”

Sleep had been a foreign concept since I got home. I hadn’t gotten a good night’s rest in weeks.

“Have you spoken with Dr. Stewart?”

Dr. Stewart was the therapist I’d started seeing. While I knew it would be helpful talking to her, I’d been having trouble opening up. Where I was once an open book, I hated feeling vulnerable now.

“I have an appointment this morning,” I answered.

“Are you gonna talk to her this time?”

I shrugged. “It’s my intention to talk to her whenever we meet, but it’s hard, Ma. I don’t want to feel like I’m complaining. I survived and made it out of a bad situation when a lot of people aren’t as fortunate. Who am I to sulk about the way life is back at home when so many people in my shoes never get to come home?”

“True. They may not get to come home, butthisis your reality. You’re entitled to your feelings, and theyarevalid. Talkto her, baby. About everything. Again, I hear you pacing at night. I know you aren’t okay when you say you’re okay. Please… talk to her.”

I nodded. “I hear you, Ma. I’m gonna go shower and get dressed.”

“Hey.” She walked over and pulled me in for the hug I so desperately needed. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

She kissed my cheek and released me. I headed back to my bedroom and stripped down for my shower. For the longest time, I stood under the rainfall showerhead, allowing the water to mask my tears as I did every morning. For two weeks, this was a daily occurrence. I was feeling the weight of my feelings, yet I just kept bottling up what I could and allowing the rest to simmer on the back burner.

I was miserable.

My plan had been to move in here, raise my daughter, and try to get my job back to feel some sense of normalcy. It hadn’t quite worked that way. I had no desire to leave the house most days. Every day after Summer Rose left for school, I locked myself in the room and sat in the middle of my walk-in closet, staring at the door. Somehow, it reminded me of being back in the basement.

No windows.

One door.

One way in and one way out.

Ironically enough, it was the only place I felt normal because it was my normal for so long. In there, I sat with my thoughts… my hopes and dreams… my feelings. No one could see my tears. No one could witness the pain in my eyes. I was just… alone.

Shaking the depressive thoughts from my head, I quickly bathed myself and got out of the shower. After drying off, I brushed my teeth and moisturized my skin before gettingdressed for the day. By the time I came out, Tyrion was standing in the living room waiting on Summer Rose. When our eyes met, I saw the same thing in his that I saw in mine every time I looked in the mirror.

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