Page 88 of If You Love Me

She snatched it from me and slammed it down on the table.

“You have to get it together, Iona.”

“According to my medical records, which I’m sure you’ve checked, I am getting it together. I went to the doctor and had my meds adjusted.”

“But are you taking them?”

“Yes.”

She scoffed. Standing to her feet, she started looking around my living room. I grabbed the liquor bottle and took a swig.

“What are you looking for, Christina?”

“The bottle.”

I laughed to myself as she turned over every pillow and looked under every couch cushion. It wasn’t until she went into my kitchen did it stop being funny. I’d put the pills in my junk drawer with every other useless thing I owned. Sprinting to my feet, I stumbled into the kitchen to find her headed straight for the drawer.

“Mama, get out of my house.”

She ignored me as she yanked the drawer open and pulled out the bottle that sat at the very top.

“Leave—what are you doing?”

She twisted off the cap and dumped the pills on the counter, frantically counting out all of them.

“You’re tripping right now, Ma.”

She looked up at me and threw the empty bottle at me. “I’m tripping? That’s a whole month’s worth of fucking pills, Iona! You haven’t taken a single one. Why? Do you enjoy being like this? Acting like this? You know what happens when you go too long without your medication. Do you want to end up in the psych ward? I’m sure a few of your father’s people would be more than happy to keep you company.”

“You would love to send me away, wouldn’t you?”

“No, I wouldn’t! You’re my child, I love you, and I hate to see you go down the same dark path as some of your relatives. Mental health is nothing to be ashamed of, Iona—”

“Please spare me your psychobabble bullshit, Ma. I don’t want to hear it.”

“You will listen. You will stand there, and you will listen. Enough is enough. You’re about to lose your mind over a man, Iona.”

“I love him. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him.” Tears filled my eyes as I spoke. “We were supposed to be a family. We were going to get married and live happily ever after until that bitch came back. He left me for her, and you don’t get to tell me how to feel when my fucking heart is broken!”

“No, Iona. He left you because you went too far.” She raised her hands in surrender. “I’m not telling you how to feel, baby. Your emotions are fueling your mental state right now. I see it, the wildness dancing in your eyes. You’re going to hurt somebody or yourself if you don’t get it under control.”

“I don’t want it under control,” I said, taking a sip of the liquor. “I want to feel it. All of it. I want him to know how I feel.”

“Iona, you need to stay away from that man before you do something you will regret.”

“He’s mine!” I screamed, hurling the bottle past her head. She ducked just in time for it to smash against the wall. “I would never hurt him.”

My mother rose to her full height with tears in her eyes. She looked at me with pity and disappointment as she shook her head.

“It’s not healthy to be this obsessed with someone.” She stepped toward me. “Start taking the pills, or I’m having you committed, and it won’t be for a month this time.”

She palmed the side of my face and kissed my cheek before walking back through the living room and out the front door. I stared at the pills on the counter for a moment before swiping them on the floor. Stepping through them, I went to my liquor cabinet and grabbed another bottle before going to lock my door and head back to my bedroom.

Picking up my phone, I watched Tyrion brushing Evenie’s hair while Summer Rose sang to her.

“You are my sunshine. My only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

Drunkenly, I sang along with her as I popped the top on the new bottle and took it to the head.

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