Page 18 of Volunteer 4711

Instead of just dismissing her from wherever I am in my quarters, I stand in front of her tonight and repeat my vow, looking directly into her brown eyes, “I will never sell you. Dismissed.”

I cannot read the expression on her face. I do not know if what I have said scares her or relieves her. I decide it does not matter. I have given her a chance at a good life on my ship. She should be grateful, and she even said she is grateful. So why am I still standing in my entryway thinking about my valet’s feelings?

CHAPTER9

VOLUNTEER 4711

On autopilot,I walk back to the servants ‘quarters with the Commander’s laundry in my arms. I don’t know how to process any of this. I was so angry when I heard what he had done. The only thing that gave me some solace was that I wasn’t alone when I heard, I was in the canteen, and although I could hear whoops of joy from other areas of the ship, everyone in the canteen was quiet and just looked at me. I didn’t know what to do, so I just fled and cried in my room, trying to tell myself that my Commander wasn’t a slave trader, but he is. And maybe this is why the Silver farmers told me he was a ’bad man.’ As I enter the laundry room, I come across the older female, and I try to hide my tears.

“Oh dear,” she says to me immediately. “Is this about the Commander selling the captured Water people?”

“Why did he do this?”

“Why?” she asks rhetorically. “Because it’s a lot of money. Don’t worry, the Water people will be treated well by the Imperials. Everyone knows Imperials love Water people, and Imperials are very rich.”

“But,” I trail off.

“Did he tell you that?” the older female asks.

“Yes.”

“There’s gossip on the ship that the Imperial captain wanted to buy you too, and our commander had to say you were a male and then flat-out refuse. Did he tell you that?”

“Yes.”

“See what a good master you have?”

“It hurts,” I touch my chest with my hand, “that Water people can be sold so easily to others, even though I was sold.”

“I can imagine it’s very tough and frightening. But I think you are safe here. The Commander would have sold you if he didn’t like you.”

“He told me that he would never sell me,” I confess to her.

“Well then, there you go. There’s no need for tears over this,” the older female says. “Those other Water people, they are safe too. It’s uncomfortable, but so is life in the galaxy.”

“He also gave me extra food credits. I feel terrible using them when my people were sold.”

“The commander acknowledges this hurt you. That’s high praise for him to give you those credits. Even though it doesn’t change your sadness. He can’t change his decision about them either. Life is difficult. Either decision would have hurt someone.”

“Will you take these credits? I don’t want them.”

“No, but I’ll sit with you and share something. I think, if I were one of those Water people sold today, I’d want you to have it. Not because you’re celebrating, but because you dared to ask the Commander about it.” The older female puts an arm around me as we walk to the servants’ canteen. As we enter, most of the other servants give me compassionate looks. They may all be Silvers, but as servants, their lives are just a couple steps above volunteers who can be bought and sold just like me.

“I asked because it hurts,” I reply.

“And he acknowledged that. He didn’t have to; a less moral male would have punished you. Instead, he gave you these credits. Do you see?”

I do see, but it doesn’t make me feel any less guilty. I buy the older female a dessert of her choice, and I get myself the strawberry one. It has become my favorite, and I hope those other humans are spoiled just as much as I am here. As we are eating, other servants come over and offer their sympathies to me. All their words have the same theme, ‘Life is tough for those born into low positions, but you are not alone.’

Some of the other servants join us, and I’m introduced to servants I’ve passed many times in the corridors but never had a chance to speak to. One female I recognize from my first day on the ship, about the same age as I am. She tries to cheer me up by asking me if I know how to play a game called ‘Jam.’ I don’t know but tell her that I like games and would like to learn. She promises to teach me in a few days.

Later, while lying in bed, I still feel frustrated and sad that so many humans were sold to the Imperials. However, I can’t deny that all the Silvers seem to think that this wasn’t such a bad thing. Either they’re all in on a lie to make me feel better, which is very unlikely, or it’s true. After tossing and turning, I realize I will have to believe the latter because, as much as it troubles me, I couldn’t have done much to change their fate.

Unlike the Commander, I have no pajamas. So, I sleep in my underwear and a kind of sports bra, which was the only bra allotted to me. I pull the sheets up over my head, trying to fall asleep, but the image of the Commander is in my mind’s eye. Him telling me he’d never sell me, and it stirs something inside of me that I thought was dead forever when I became a volunteer.

I turn to the side and will his image and his words to leave my mind, but they won’t. Then as if my mind wants to punch in the stomach, it reminds me of when he was injured at the farmhouse and his erect penises. This makes my body stir even more.

I don’t want to think of him this way. I detest what he did today. I won’t fantasize about him.

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