Page 24 of Volunteer 4711

“I understand,” she says, and I know by her tone she means something entirely different, but I let it go.

She finishes dressing me, and my body decides to have a mind of its own, and my penises slightly twitch at the sight of her unfastening my shoes. I will my mind to think of anything to save me from this embarrassment. Thankfully, she does not seem to notice before going into my wardrobe for my pajamas, and by the time she has returned, I have complete control.

Once I am in my pajamas, I dismiss her immediately for fear of embarrassing myself. Ten minutes later, she buzzes me for ‘her night’ from her quarters. I watch and feel incredibly guilty because I know that after she finishes, I will masturbate myself thinking about her.

CHAPTER13

VOLUNTEER 4711

Every dayI practice my aim with a small gun and self-defense with the same officer that carried me out of the farmhouse over a year ago. It’s easy for me to try to attack him as I have always felt he’s racist towards me. I don’t know if this is because I’m a Water person or because I’m a volunteer, but either way, I don’t like his attitude.

Often the Commander watches us practice, and I’ve done as he asked and put my status on my gym clothes. I can’t help but wonder if he’s attracted to me. I know that there’s very little risk of my being raped on the ship. I was pleasantly surprised by his rules regarding sex. And I have lived them. As a single female working as a servant surrounded by males, not once has there been an inappropriate look or comment. For such a patriarchal society, it seems fairer for females than on the Earth I left. In some ways, I don’t mind having fewer rights if it means I’m not afraid of my life or being raped all the time.

But I don’t know what life off the Commander’s ship is like, really. I only have experienced life on the farm and here, and I’d be lying to myself if I said it didn’t worry me a little that he wants me to learn how to shoot a gun and self-defense.

Every day is, more or less, the same for me, and I enjoy the routine, especially in the mornings. I get the Commander dressed, and then I take care of any social communications that need responding to. It’s mostly just sending gifts, acknowledging gifts, and sometimes managing his housekeeper for his house on the Silver planet. Because I deal with most of his social correspondence, I’m more and more curious about his personal life, especially his life before he was a pirate. I know now that he wasn’t always a pirate and that he used to live on the Home Planet. When I asked him about his house, he told me he only has it for sentimental purposes and said he didn’t want to talk about it because it wasn’t important. I haven’t asked him about it again, but whenever it’s whispered about in the servants’ canteen, I’ve put two and two together and figured out that he inherited it because a family member died.

Today, after I finish the Commander’s correspondence, I have a cup of tea with the female servant who is my age, and taught me to play the game Jam. We meet regularly, and she often tells me all the gossip on the ship and from the Home Planet. My commander says that my language and cultural skills are still not good enough to access all the information available to me on my computer, so she is my source of entertainment. She never fails to tell me something I find interesting.

“Volunteer 4711,” she says, waving at me to join her in the busy canteen. “I’m here.”

I join her with my tea.

She smiles in a Silver way without showing her sharp teeth. I know she has something to tell me that she is excited about today.

“You will never believe this,” she says. I don’t bother saying ‘what’ because she is the type of wonderful friend that is too excited to wait. “You were in the newspapers.”

I put down my tea. “Why?”

“I know. I was shocked too. I wish I could show you, but you know the Commander’s orders.”

“Why was I in the papers?” I ask again.

“That’s the funny thing. The farmers who you volunteered for are calling you back and saying that the Commander took you illegally.”

“I saved his life, then he gave me this position,” I say.

“I know,” she says sympathetically, “and everyone knows, but they’re backward farmers, and their other volunteers have all died, so they’re just trying to get you back because they’ve nothing else to lose. I don’t think it’ll come to anything.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so,” she says, then changes her tone, “I didn’t mean to upset you. Don’t worry; you will never go back there. I will buy them off myself if that’s what it takes; you are one of us, Volunteer 4711.”

I smile and then change the subject by asking her about the latest fashions from the Home Planet. She is more than happy to describe the clothing and the kind of parties and entertainment famous Silvers were attending. It’s almost like watching the Silver version of theHollywood Reporter, which was one of my favorite guilty pleasures.

After my tea break, I start the laundry and then study more of the Silver language and culture with my computer program. Next is my self-defense training, and then I relax until the evening when the Commander buzzes me. Once a week, I masturbate for him while he watches. This is a treat that I find myself looking forward to. I have a fantasy that he enjoys watching me in a sexual way, and it makes me feel like a complete person. Otherwise, I’m just a worker, a volunteer, a Water woman… not free. But when he’s watching me, I feel free. I feel like I’ve control over myself and maybe even him, or I like to imagine I do.

Later, when I see him, I remember what my friend had told me over tea. I want to ask about the farmers claiming me, but according to protocol, I’m not supposed to speak first, and for some reason, he isn’t in a good mood. I begin taking off his clothing, hoping he will tell me about what’s going on, but he says nothing. As I put away his pins, he says nothing. I look at him with eyes that I hope to say, ‘Tell me what’s going on,’ but still, he says nothing.

“Goodnight, Commander,” I say and bow.

“Volunteer 4711,” he says, and my heart leaps as I think he’s remembered. But then he says, “Dismissed.”

I walk out carrying his laundry and wondering if he’s thinking of sending me back to the farm. I know my friend meant well with what she said, but perhaps he wants someone better now, someone Silver. Someone who doesn’t have an accent or who’s still learning about the culture. Someone he doesn’t have to watch masturbate every week because she has some fantasy about being with a Silver way out of her league.

I clean his uniform and then go to bed. I cry a little at the thought of being sent away. I don’t want to go back to the farm. I’ll run away before I go back. As I lie in my little bed, I think about what I might do to avoid it, and I know that if I marry someone, I become my husband’s property in Silver society, which I know also extends to the fleet.

I think about the only other male I know besides the Commander, and that is the officer who’s training me in self-defense, and I frown. I don’t like him, and I know the feeling is mutual. So not him. Otherwise, I don’t know anyone else. Tomorrow, I decide I’ll look around and see if there might be someone here among the servants who might want to marry a Water woman. I don’t want to be sent back to the farm, and I feel like the Commander would have mentioned it if he intended to keep me with him.

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