Page 55 of Crow

I leave my bra and panties on and get into the tub. It’s so huge that I feel lost in here, the edges so high it’s basically a tiny sized swimming pool.

Crow pivots, chest heaving. A fine sheen of sweat stands out on his skin, even though the AC is blasting in here and it’s borderline chilly.

“Come here. Get in with me. Please.”

He hesitates, looking torn, but then kicks off his boots and removes his jeans. He leaves his boxers on and steps over the edge of the tub. I don’t scoot forward. He sits down in front of me, and I wrap my arms around him, pressing my cheek against his shoulder, breathing in the scent of him which is rapidly becoming familiar and comforting. The water rises around us as we breathe together.

“What Owen told me about… about you not having a relationship with your parents…”

“It’s true.” His voice is a rumble that echoes up beneath my cheek. The water is around our waists now and he leans forward to shut the tap off. “They tried to institutionalize me. That’s not the word they used, but when I got there, it was clear what they wanted to do. Commit me. Raven went berserk. He broke us out. I was sixteen, so technically the cops could have dragged me back, but my parents never called them. I’ve been on my own since then. The only state I haven’t been to is Alaska. I’ve done every odd job you can think of, anything for cash under the table. Did it for ten years, saving up, until I wandered into this strange little town and never left.”

“Hart.”

“Yeah. I guess it’s home now. The club is a weird family, but for most of us, all the assholes there are the closet thing that we’ll ever have to family again. The guys there come from every background you can imagine. Ex-soldiers, ex-cons, cons who should be ex but never did get caught, men who used to belong to gangs, even the damn mob.”

“Are you serious?”

“I am.”

I try not to stiffen. My dad wasn’t entirely wrong about the motorcycle club, and I knew that. It’s not just made up of a bunch of guys who are motorcycle enthusiasts. He said they were criminals, and I knew he was right. It didn’t stop me from wanting to know Crow then, and it won’t stop me now.

“I learned all sorts of handy skills looking after myself. I was always artistic, but when I got to Hart and was encouraged to turn that expression into tattooing—it was a good fit. Something in me just wanted to stay in one place for longer than a few months. It was Raven that was drawn to the club, but I guess I was too. I was a desirable prospect. A man with a dubious past, almost no family, lost in life, a jack of all fucking trades, but smart and quiet, I did everything they asked of me. I prospected for a year and patched in after that. The club needs legitimate businesses, so I was encouraged to open up my own shop. The club bought the building, until I made enough money to pay them back. I wanted it in my name, which suits them just fine. I was able to hire more artists, put an addition on, remodel the upstairs to a living area. From there, I bought more properties, rentals and houses to flip and fix up.”

“The club doesn’t care that you have your own money?”

“Other ones might, but Tyrant is a good president. He’s good shit on a human level, which hardly anyone is. As long as I do all my work for the club and take my shit seriously there, remain loyal and put them first, he doesn’t mind that I have my own life. He has his too. A lot of the men do. We’re not just bikers. I did mention that most of them have jobs. Most of them are gear heads or good for muscle, so it’s natural that they work at the garages the club owns, and do security at the clubs. I’m quiet, and that puts a lot of people off, but a few years ago, Tyrant put my name forward for club enforcer. It was a surprise to me that most of the club voted yes.”

“What does that mean?”

“Mostly just that I maintain order. It’s a small club, but big enough that we have a few men who do it. I only agreed because it wouldn’t take up all of my time.” He hesitates and I press my lips to his shoulder, kissing him to urge him to go on. “Raven likes it when he gets to knock heads together. I guess that partly, I accepted for him, but I’d never admit it. I’m not… I haven’t been… I think of myself as the dominant. The personality that is there most of the time. I’ve mostly kept him locked away. Lately, I’ve been wondering if frustrating him that way, not allowing him to experience life the way I get to do, has made him an asshole, always ready to boil over. I haven’t given him a fair deal. We could have been friends, but… it’s hard to want to be friends with someone you don’t want there in the first place. He’s what kept me from being normal all my life. It’s not fair, but I always hated him for that. I never could accept that one day, he wouldn’t just piss off and leave me alone. I’ve realized lately how unfair that is. He probably feels the same way about me.”

I kiss a path between his shoulder blades. “I’m so sorry that you were made to feel like there was something wrong withyou. In other cultures, in the past, you would have bene revered. Someone who could walk in other worlds. Someone with extra spirits. That would have been incredibly sacred.”

He chokes and I do the same, but I’m choking back laughter. “My dad doesn’t even know that in my religious studies electives, I studied far more than Christianity. He’d call those ideas pagan, but I find other religions and ideas fascinating.” I cup water and trickle it down his back. The muscles bunch and stiffen like it tickles. I watch his strong, inked beauty in fascination. “Maybe getting a bike isn’t high up on the priority list right now. I think that we should buy an old but reliable car instead, and drive it back. We can take the dog that way, and she can travel at her own pace, in comfort. I’ll have to call Patti and ask for a few extra days off. I hope she’s not mad about it.”

“She won’t be,” Crow responds. “You’re with me. It’s club business.”

I manage not to sigh. I don’t want to use that as an excuse. I don’t want tousehim in any way. “I can always get a bike later. I have to admit, my parents’ station wagon grew on me. I’d like one of my own. It’s great for camping out in. Probably one of the only cars you could spend the night in comfortably. I have some money saved. Use what you got last night for the vet bill.”

“I never had a dog. I was never allowed.”

I hear the fear in his voice. It cuts straight through me. “She’ll make it. She’s tough. She deserves a good life. I know that the universe is far crueler than it is merciful, but I have a feeling about her. She’s going to be okay.”

“I’d love her and care for her.” He sounds fascinated by the idea, that he’d have someone to love him back, exactly as he is.

I set my cheek on his hot shoulder again. I can’t say things like that myself. It’s far too soon and he’d think I was insane. I should think I’m having more than a lapse of good judgment.

“I love your hair. It’s so soft and… I just… I like that it’s long. I like everything about you.” My face gets hot, and the rest of my body follows, though it’s not embarrassment that generates the ache. “Can I wash it for you?”

He turns slightly, incredulous. “My hair?”

“Yes.”

He grinds his teeth tighter so suddenly that I can hear his molars crunching. “You do that and I’m going to want to be balls deep inside of you.”

My breath hitches. My body rockets into a crazy state of disarray. “What if I want that too?”

He drops his head in his hands. “You shouldn’t say things like that.”

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