Page 63 of Crow

“Do you think that if you and Raven worked out a schedule and you trusted him to be let out that it might not be so bad for you after?”

When he doesn’t answer, I whip my eyes to the side quickly. I expect to find him tense, even angry, but looks pensive, as though he’s honestly considering it.

“Maybe you could both learn to transition into being the dominant personality so that it’s almost seamless. No more headaches, no more being so sick, no more fighting it or beating each other up. No more trapping your body between two warring factions.”

His breath unspools for a long time. He rests his head on the pillar of the passenger side. “I don’t know if I can do it. It’s hard to trust. And then there’s you.”

“Me?” I squeak. “You don’t trust me with Raven?”

“I don’t trust him with you.”

“Are you jealous?” I try to ask that as delicately as I can, without accusation. “Or are you afraid that he’ll do something to drive me away?”

“Not on purpose. He likes you. It’s the only thing we’ve ever been in agreement on.”

“He’s not going to drive me away.”

I want to pull over. I want to have this conversation face to face, but there’s no way I’m going to just veer off to the side of the road. That’s not safe. All I can do is keep flicking my gaze between the road and his side profile.

“Are you afraid that I’ll fall for him? That I’ll prefer him over you?” He doesn’t answer. I don’t think he can. I hate putting him in that position. “It’s not going to happen. I would enjoy spending time with both of you. It would maybe be a little bit strange for all of us at first, learning to be in a throuple.” I can’t control the insane little giggle that bursts out.

He finally turns, gaping at me. Yes. I really did say that.Throuple.

“Look at me. Typical pastor’s daughter gone buck wild,” I say, laughing at myself. “I’m talking about being with two men andlikingit. Well, two people, one body. I still say it counts.” I glance at my hand on the wheel, the gold band glinting in every light, every sweep of headlights from the opposite highway.

“I don’t think you’ve got wild.”

“I went to Vegas and got married. I’m with a badass biker who also happens to have a kickass alter ego. I’m moving into your house. I came back with a dog. We’ve been there for each other like we’re already a family. Maybe the only truly wild part of all of this is that only thing that scares me is that it’s going to end when we get back to reality.”

Crow’s hand shoots out. It hovers by the screen, but he doesn’t do anything. Doesn’t turn on any music or take my phone out of the center console and get it connected. “Nothing has to end if we don’t want it to,” he says roughly.

“It’s just that we started so unexpectedly. What if it doesn’t work out?” The churning in my stomach is getting worse. Maybe I should just shut up. Then again, I’m not borrowing trouble by putting this out there. I want to share this with Crow. I want him to know how I’m feeling. I want him to comfort me without lying to me. I know he won’t do that.

“I don’t know,” his hand falls back to his lap. “Then we hurt, and we move on.”

“I don’t want to hurt you. Or Raven. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“I know. It would be the last thing I’d ever want.”

“Is this real? I know what I said, but I… I’m starting to lose track.”

A truck rushes up beside us, probably going at least thirty miles faster than we are. It gives me a start as the engine roars by. I’m going five miles above the speed limit. I watch Crow’s brows crush down towards the bridge of his nose.

He shakes his head. “Assfuck. He’s going to kill someone.” He’s still shaking his head at the truck, which is so far ahead of us his taillights look like little red eyes in the distance. “I want you to be happy,” he grunts. “That’s it. We can stay married to the outside world. No one has to know the truth. You can live in the house for as long as you want. You can go to hair school. We’ll share the dog. You’ll either learn to be a part of the club, or if you hate it, that’s cool too. It doesn’t have to be your life just because it’s mine. You’ll work and I’ll work. Your family will either continue to be assholes or they’ll grow two braincells and figure out what a wonderful person you are, and they’ll come around to respecting you for who you are.”

“Raven?”

“No,” Crow snorts. “It’s still me. I can be funny too, you know.”

“I know. If I can be whatever and whoever I want, you can too. Has anyone ever told you that?” I shouldn’t even ask. I know that they haven’t. “I’m telling you now. It’s okay to be exactly who you are. I think you were built perfect. I know there’s things you probably wish were different, but I wouldn’t change anything. I know that’s easy for me to say, but that’s the way I truly feel. The best thing I ever did was talk to you that first night. I don’t understand why you picked me, why you’ve been my safe place through all this, but I’m thankful.”

“I was looking for a safe place too. Raven wasn’t, but he found it in you anyway. He didn’t get us married for no reason. He certainly didn’t do it just for me.”

We’re both quiet, processing everything that we’ve said.

The night is quiet around us. There’s hardly anyone on this stretch of highway. It’s flat right now. We’ve been througheverything from red, rolling hills to woodland before we reached flat plains.

“Everything you think I’ve given you, you’ve given me far more,” Crow says, breaking the silence first. “You deserved to be set free. Maybe I recognized that and wanted to give it to you. Maybe I sensed that you could help me. There’s more wild animal in human beings than they know. Instinct is strong. I’m also using double the brain cells that most people do.”

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