Page 68 of Crow

A what?

What would they really think? Them, with their fucked up pasts and bloodstained hands, their demons that they do battle with every single day? Would anyone even give a fuck?

My laughter catches both of us off guard.

Okay, allthreeof us.

I don’t mean the dog. She’s still snoring like tank. The whole bed is practically rattling with her chainsaw log sawing.

“Nothing. I’m sorry, I’m a prick. All of this is just unbelievable, you know? Do you ever feel that way? Like you stand back and just can’t believe that this is your life?”

Tyrant nods immediately. Another thing about him? He’s open to a point that most people couldn’t even begin to fathom. “Every day. I wake up next to the love of my life, who also happens to my best friend’s little sister. I think about all the ways we might not have found our way back to each other. I’ve got a daughter more beautiful than anything in this world. Sometimes I feel like laughing too, at the wonder of how this ever happened to me.”

He fought for it. Hard. He fought for Lark, for his daughter Penny. For every single one of us to have a good life here at the club. It hasn’t been an easy few years here, but things are finally coming out the other side, where we can take a breath.

“I have good men at my side, guiding me, but also relying on me. Men who put their faith in me to lead them. This club is my life, my breath, and my blood. There’s not a minute where I take that for granted.”

I bow my head solemnly. I no longer feel like hanging Tyrant’s eyes up on the wall as an early Christmas decoration. “I know.”

“I get that you like to be alone, but don’t forget that all your brothers here have your back. You want to introduce Tarynn slowly to this life, I understand that. You don’t want her involved at all, that’s your decision. If there’s fallout to you marrying her, helping her, wanting her, loving her—whatever you feel, then we’re here.”

“I thought you were coming in here to tell me to proceed with caution or not at all. To talk about crazy church people—namely her father, the club’s image, and to probably convince me to get an annulment because someone like her doesn’t mix with a fuck like me.”

“Hey. There’s not a woman here who isn’t too good for us, but somehow, they chose us. They love us for who we are. It’s an honor and a privilege, and mystifying as all fuck.”

Tyrant doesn’t say shit just for the sake of saying it. If he’s putting that out there, it’s because he truly feels that way. I never believed in notions of love or finding someone who could accept that there’s an Adam and an Owen in one body, let alone want both of us. It’s always been my difference that kept me apart from other people, even men who I swore an oath of loyalty and brotherhood to. I never thought that we might actually have some common ground other than a love of the lifestyle and an enjoyment of bikes.

I know what I want the first thing I do with Tarynn to be.

I want her on the back of my bike.

Not because she belongs to me, or to Crow, but because I want to share all the things I’m passionate about with her. When she’s comfortable, I’ll start showing her how to handle the bike, teaching her everything she needs to know for the day that she wants to get her own.

I don’t know what makes me do it, but I shove off the bed and walk straight up to Tyrant. I offer my hand, the first time, I think, that I’ve ever touched another person besides Tarynn, to offer anything other than pain and menace.

Tyrant grasps it and gives me a thunderous clap on the shoulder with his other hand. “We’ve got you, brother. That’s all I came in here to say. Anything you need, you let us know.”

I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. Crow must know I’m going to say it, but he doesn’t push back. He doesn’t fight with me, even on the inside about it. He doesn’t try and clamp down on our tongue to silence me.

“There’s something right now. I- I need you to sit back down in that chair and hear me out. I need to tell you something about me and I need you to hear me out until I’m done. You might think it’s not possible, but it is. It’s who I am. I need you to hear that. I need you to know. I need you all to know.”

Tyrant’s hand tightens around mine in support. “Whatever it is, it’s not going to change that you’re still part of this club. Do you understand?”

When he sits, I do too.

We both need to be sitting for this.

It was Crow who told Tarynn about me, but now it’s me, for the first time, telling the world that I’m here. That I’m real. That I want to mean something and that I want to matter.

That I want tolive.

Chapter 19

Tarynn

I’ve always been an earlier riser minus the rising part. When I wake up, I’m up. There’s no chance of going back to sleep, but I like to snuggle under my warm covers, watch the sunrise creep through the windows, just lay still and do nothing at all.

Over the past three weeks, I’ve made an artform out of the mornings that I wake up to the man in my bed beside me. He doesn’t always spend the night. Sometimes, he stays late and then leaves to go do club business—apparently bikers have late bedtimes and Crow and Raven have an inexhaustible supply of energy.

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