Page 15 of Paper Roses

“Do you remember my friend Simon?”

“Can you narrow it down? You have hundreds of friends.”

“I met him at college. He was the one who was sick on the sofa at my old place, and I lost my deposit.”

“You lost your deposit because of the broken window.”

“You must remember him.”

“Is he the one who spoke about Proust for three hours before the unfortunate incident with the sofa?”

“That’sthe one. He was better than a bouncer for clearing parties. Anyway, I met Simon tonight, and I was telling him about your little problem.”

I groan. “Aren’t we supposed to be keeping it a secret?”

“Oh, don’t worry. I didn’t mention your name. I just said it was a friend. Anyway, I told him all about it, and he’ll do it.”

“Do what?”

“He’ll fake marry you. It’s serendipity, sweetie. He’s an actor.”

“Have I seen him in anything?”

There’s a pause. “No, probably not. He’s not actually working as an actor at the moment.”

“What does he do, then?”

“He’s behind the counter at Greggs in Camden.”

“So, you want me to trust my future to an actor who’s not actually acting?”

“It’ll be fine.”

“It probably won’t.”

“And a bonus is that he always gets the leftovers from Greggs, so we’ll never run short of sausage rolls.”

I picture Simon. Then I picture spending several important hours of my life with Simon. “I hate to deprive you of a good sausage roll, but I’ve already solved the problem myself.”

“Artie, have you decided not to do it?” she says gently. “Because it’s fine if you have, sweetie.”

“No. Absolutely not. I still want to do this.”

“So what did you have in mind?”

I lick my lips. “Jed said he’d do it.”

There’s a pause. “Who?”

“My boss.”

“Sexy Jed said he’ll pretend to be your fake fiancé?”

“That’s the one.Surprise.”

“That’s an understatement.” She hesitates. “And you’re actually thinking of accepting his offer?”

“Well, it’s Jed.”

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