Page 68 of Paper Roses

He stares at me.

“Oh, I know you’ve probably done loads with half of London. Sexual things,” I add in clarification.

“Yes, I did grasp your subtext,” he says dryly. “And it wasn’t half. I did have a business to run.”

“But,” I say, ignoring him, “I never have.”

He swallows hard. “You mean you’ve never…” He trails off and it takes me a moment to understand.

“Oh no. I’ve done sex. I’ve had one boyfriend, but I was so important to him that he fucked off to America without a second glance.”

His face darkens, and I wave a hand to stop his inevitable remarks. His mouth twitches, but he subsides, sitting back on the desk and watching me.

“Ben was my first,” I explain. “We met at school.”

His fascinated interest goes to my head like strong wine. “When he left,” I continue, “I never really met anyone else. I’ve been to bars and gay clubs, but I’m too quiet to stand out to the men there. I’m not loud and colourful,” I add wistfully.

I know Jed’s type is bold, beautiful men like Mick, and I can never be that. If I had been, he’d have had me on my back as quick as he could manage.

But my type is rather easy to ignore or refuse.

“Artie.” His eyes are very fierce. “There are more ways to get attention than being loud and bold, and gay bars can be bloody hard on anyone’s self-confidence. You arebeautiful.” I blink and his mouth twists in a half smile. “You are clever and kind, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being quieter. Some man will love that in you.”

His expression is strange, but I don’t stop to analyse it, too intent on making my point. “What if I don’t want to wait for this mythical man? I never had the chance to experiment. What about if I want to experiment now? This could be my only chance to do that with someone who I really trust, who I know won’t hurt me.”

“But Imighthurt you!” He sighs. “Not physically. I’d never do that, but there are a lot of ways to hurt your partner. People in a relationship are in a unique position to know all of them.”

There’s something in his voice I can’t decipher, but I step closer, his interest in this idea drawing me like a moth to theflame. “But we’re not really partners,” I point out. “This is just casual, right?”

My heart is hammering because I’m pretty sure he’ll see right through me. My feelings for him are as clear and obvious as the nose on my face. It’s only me who stands a chance of getting hurt if we do this, and I’m willing to take that risk. I’m fully aware he will never love me, but at least this way I can have some small bit of him. And maybe when we’re done, and I see him with other men, I’ll have the strength to break the chains that bind me to him, and I can move on and find someone who would be better for me.

Ignoring the pang that thought gives me, I lift my hand and cup his cheek. He leans into my touch, and there’s something so trusting about the movement that my heart swells. “Well?” I say breathlessly. “What do you think?”

“I’m not sure this is you,” he says doubtfully, but his eyes are full of emotion. Desire. My spine tingles again. He wants me. It gives me the courage to do what I do next.

“Really?” I lower my hand and cup his cock daringly. I swear I can feel his pulse in the hard length. “Then maybe you don’t know me so well after all.”

I’m not sure I even know myself as I kneel at Jed’s feet and pull his zipper down. I slowly reach in and draw out his cock. It’s ruddy with precome slicking the head, and I hesitate before darting my tongue out to catch the salty drops. “Mmm,” I breathe. The taste makes me hard, and I push on my cock to calm myself.

He grunts as if he’s been shot, and I gasp as he pulls me to my feet. He stares at me with a wild look on his face. “You swear?”

“Never in front of the customers.”

“Don’t be glib.” His groan sounds like victory and defeat in one small noise and then he slams his mouth on mine.

The kiss is hard and so forceful it makes my head spin. He eats at my mouth, sucking on my tongue before pulling away to lick my lips. He continues the kiss, and I clutch him, letting my head fall back, loving being under his control. It makes my head blissfully cloudy.

I moan in protest as he pulls away and then squeak as he grabs my hips and lifts me onto the desk. “What are youdoing?” I gasp.

He gives me a crooked smile, his eyes full of lust as he unbuttons my shirt. “I’m checking an item off your lust list.”

“What list? Ohgod,” I breathe as he licks my nipple. He blows a stream of cold air over it before suckling. “Jed?”

“You must have a list of things you want to do in this grand experimentation you’ve decided on.”

I lick my lips and love the way his eyes follow the small gesture. “I think sex on the desk,” I say tentatively.

“Your wish is my command.”

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