Page 83 of Paper Roses

I take a steadying breath. “I think she needs to get her own solicitor. She might be in trouble regarding confidentiality.”

He ignores that. “You were always so determined to get that house, and I just know that Daisy’s sticky fingers are all over this.”

“All over what?” I say faintly.

“Your fake marriage, of course.”

“That’s a big leap in reasoning.” My heart hammers, but my voice is gratifyingly calm.

He sits back and sips his drink, insufferably smug. “It didn’t take much to guess. You haven’t been with anyone since me.”

“And you’d know that how?”

“Jamie knows Daisy.”

“Oh well, it must be true if your friend says so.”

He rolls his eyes. “And to make an arrangement with yourbossof all people, Artie.”

Anger stirs in me so fast it makes me dizzy. “What about him?” I say fiercely.

He recoils. “Whoa. What’s that attitude for?”

“You don’t get to sneer at him,” I say through gritted teeth.

“Sorry, but the idea that the two of you are an item is ludicrous. He’s completely different from you.”

“And that’s where you’re wrong, which is hardly surprising, seeing as you hit right about once in a blue moon.” No one gets to talk badly about Jed in front of me.

“I beg your pardon?”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I have to protect Jed. If this gets out, he’d be a laughingstock, not to mentionwhat we did could get him in trouble. I feel fiercely protective of him.

“He is my husband,” I say calmly, regarding Ben in a pitying way. “I don’t know where you’re getting your ideas from. Maybe you’ve watched too many soaps, but I can tell you that my marriage is as real as they come, and I’m very much in love with him. We were together way before Laura died.” I settle back, pulling the sleeves of my jumper down and steadying myself. “I’m going home.” The word comes out with a yearning ache, and Ben raises his eyebrows at me.

He’s probably seeing someone who doesn’t exist anymore. We met when we were at school together. I was the quiet one while he was popular and impossibly beautiful. I couldn’t believe it when he looked at me, and I never got rid of that faint sense of being unworthy of him.

I’m so bloody different from the boy I was, and I’m realising Jed is partially responsible for my transformation. He’s mentored me over the years, always patient, encouraging and giving praise I’d never had before. I’ve blossomed from his friendship, gaining the courage to try new things. Ironically, he gave me the very courage I needed to reach for him.

I was never really in love with Ben. Love is an emotion I feel for my husband, in all its ugly and glorious beauty. If I were sitting across from Jed after not seeing him for years, I’d be feeling a desperate passion and pain that I wasn’t with him.

My feelings for Ben had the clumsiness of a first relationship, and my time with him was always underlaid with the gratitude I felt towards his parents. Even though he might not have been fully conscious of it, Ben had all the power.

I smile at him, and after he considers me for a moment, his shoulders slump. “It is real,” he says. “You’ve really moved on?”

“Of course. You know I wouldn’t go into marriage without love.” I’m not lying, so the words ring true.

Ben sighs, giving me a resigned smile in return. Relief washes over me. He won’t challenge my marriage, and Jed will be safe from scrutiny.

I pat Ben’s shoulder. “You moved on before me. I just clung to the idea of you for a little longer. You were my comfort blanket.”

He grimaces. “Just what every man wants to hear. Thank yousomuch.”

I chuckle. “I’m not what you want, and you must see that.”

He takes my hand, his face as serious as I’ve ever seen it. “You’re very wrong, Artie. I want you back. That’s why I’m here.” He talks over me when I begin to protest. “You don’t believe me, and I know it’s too late, but I had time to think when I was away, and I realised that no one ever fit me like you did. You looked after me and cared for me. No one ever put me first like you.”

I remove my hand with difficulty from his octopus-like grip. “And that was the problem, Ben, because you didn’t do the same for me.” I smile at him. “You miss coming first? Well, maybe in your next relationship try putting the other person first, instead. Love is a two-way street, and you were strictly one-way for me.”

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