Page 115 of Paper Roses

Jed might have rejected my love, but he’s too big a part of my heart to cut out of my life completely. I’ll take whatever minutes he’s comfortable with giving me. Maybe one day, he’ll settle down and introduce me to the man who’s shown him it’s okay to be brave and love again. It won’t be me, and I’ve accepted it.

I rub my arm absently, glad it’s not burdened by the bulky cast anymore. Jed hasn’t spotted me yet, so I enjoy my chance to gaze at him uninterrupted. He’s wearing jeans and a black sweater, which I know is cashmere, without even seeing the label. He has an addiction to the soft wool, and I’ll always remember the feel of it on my face when I rested my head against his chest. His hair is a bit longer than usual and flopping over his forehead. Usually, he’d sweep it back impatiently, but today, he’s concentrated on something.

I follow his gaze towards a small child with a red balloon. The little boy is laughing, pure joy is in every line of his little body, and a smile plays over Jed’s mouth. It’s gentle, and not for the first time, I wonder what he’d be like as a father. I think he’d be brilliant because he’s gentle, kind, and firm. You’d feel safe with him. I always have.

He shifts position, tapping his finger on a book that’s facing down on the table. His hands are big and laced with veins, and I have a flash of them holding me down while he sucked my cock, pulling off and licking, teasing me and laughing until I begged him to let me come.

I push down a pang of longing with the ease of practice. I’ve missed him so much since I left, but I know being on my own has been good for me. I needed to get out of his shadow for a while, and the job has been interesting. Karl, my boss, has actually been nice despite Jed’s opinion of him. He and hisfamily have spoilt me by having me over for dinner a few times, and the people at the office are friendly too. They’ve taken me out with them to explore the city, and to eat and drink in bars and restaurants.

Still, I miss all my Confetti Hitched people. Obviously, I miss Jed most of all. Some nights my longing is a visceral ache, and I’ll fall asleep with my hands clutching a pillow to my chest. I’m homesick, not for my house, but for him.

As I get closer, Jed looks up and spots me, his whole face lighting up immediately. My heart flutters, wanting to break free and fly towards him. I take a deep breath and smile at him.

“What are you reading?” I ask as I come up next to him.

He flips the book over, and I gasp as I see the cover of a political thriller that’s been in the charts for ages.

“Oh, I recommended that last week,” I say, delighted. “Are you enjoying it?”

“Yes, but I need to discuss the plot twist you didn’t warn me about. I wasn’t expecting that at all.”

I grin. We seem to be running our own book club lately, and I adore discussing them with him. He’s fiercely intelligent and loves a debate, and under his guidance, I’ve grown to love it too. I don’t shrink from offering my opinions anymore, because he seems to revel in them.

He stands up and holds out his arms, and I slide into them for a hug. It’s how he’s greeted me every week, and it’s probably my imagination, but he seems to hold me tighter than he ever did before, and he always gives a big sigh before he lets me go, as if everything is right with his world. It’s a gorgeous thought, but I can’t dwell on it.

He squeezes me now and inhales deeply. Before I can ask, he steps away, pulls out a chair for me, and says, “First thing.”

After we sit, he slides the familiar box across the table to me. I open it, gasping in delight when I see a red paper rose nestledin tissue paper. The folds and lines are delicate and beautiful. He’s got so good at this.

“A rose?” I ask. “That’s a change from a peony and a sunflower.”

He shifts position, and I’d think he was nervous if I didn’t know better. “It seemed right for the moment,” he says hoarsely.

“What moment?” I ask.

“Not here,” he mutters, glancing towards the busy café.

“Not here what?”

He closes his book carefully and doesn’t answer.

I raise my eyebrows and take the opportunity to bring up something I’ve been wanting to discuss. “I settled up with the builders this week. Somehow, I have more money in my account than when they began their work. It’s almost like my money has magical abilities. I’m trying to keep it quiet in case Rumpelstiltskin comes calling.”

He taps his ear. “Sorry. My hearing is going.”

“So is your bank balance. I’ll be paying you back, of course.”

“I don’t think so. You can’t get into my bank account.” I open my mouth to argue, and he gives me his most charming smile. “How’s your week been?”

He waves the waiter over and orders me the hot chocolate he knows I love. It’s laced with brandy and cream, and it’s delicious.

I subside for now, but I’ll repay that money whether he likes it or not. He forgets that I’ve been his assistant for years and know a lot more about his personal affairs than he ever remembers. When I’d discovered he’d been paying the builders, I’d tried to be annoyed, but had been charmed and almost amused, instead. Crafty caring is such a Jed thing to do.

I carefully set the flower back in its box. I’ll put it with the others he’s made for me. He brings something every week, and my bedside table is full of them. I like to lie in bed and look at them before I sleep.

“It’s been good,” I finally answer his question. “Dieter took me to a gay club this week.” The smile he gives me looks forced. I eye him in concern. “You okay?”

“Absolutely fine,” he says firmly. “So, you’ve become good friends with Dieter, yes?”

---